Why Doesn't Online Dating Ever Work?

[Mirabilis]

Okay, so I am a very socially odd person, my years of being bullied and shunned has turned me into a person who suffers from extreme anxiety in social settings. Especially when I'm around a girl I find attractive. For whatever reason, throughout my life it has been incredibly difficult for me to find a girlfriend. I've literally gone decades without one. Sometimes of my own free will but most of the time I'm rejected, friendzoned or given an excuse. This has caused me to be very self-conscious of how I look. Thinking I'm unattractive or ugly. I thought that about myself for years and still sort of do. When my most previous ex would say things like: "You look sexy." or "Damn your hot!" it always made me cringe and feel awkward and weird. She'd get mad at me if I told her to stop that and that it's not true. I also get hit on by homosexuals, and transgenders, more than anyone. In fact,t they are the only ones to hit on me. I don't know what I'm doing that's pushing girls away but It's been eating at me my whole life.

 

Because of this, I've turned towards online dating for the last few years and it sucks! It seems like it's just a cashcow for desperate and lonely guys, like myself. They always want more money, for credits that run out every 2 seconds, and you can't give your emails out either. It's forbidden. I don't know what to do. I get so jealous because I've gone my whole life without doing things normal teenagers have done. Like having a hot date at the beach, making out under a full moon, or taking a girl to the movies. Heck, I've never even had a Valentine date! I'm getting older and older and my whole life has been shunned and lonely. I tried this online stuff but I can't help but feel like it's a scam. It never works. It just cost more money for people to scam you or they don't ever respond. Like they shuffle through the guys until they find one they want. I don't know. It doesn't help that my best friend can get laid on a whim and he does nothing but live in his parents basement. His girlfriend is filthy rich, they're going to Jamaica and I'm busting my ass and can't get a single date! I'm sorry for the rant, but I dunno. Any advice would be appreciated. Just tired of going 6-9 years without a girlfriend and having one for two months then back to singleness for another decade. I smegging hate this drenn.

Edited September 8, 2015 by Mirabilis

[*Jess♥]

are you suggesting that a transgender girl is not a girl?

[Matt Bellamy]

I've not tried it, but my brother met his Wife online. Happily married 6 years, with 2 kids now.

[Mirabilis]

No, it's transgendered guys that hit on me Jess. Not transgendered girls.

Wow Matt, I wonder which dating site he used.

Edited September 8, 2015 by Mirabilis

[*Jess♥]

Thanks for clarifying.

 

personally, I think dating websites are a mistake. anyone going there is playing with fire. you could get lucky, but for the most part, it changes your perception. for some men it is like being in a candy store. they are able to look at pictures of girls smiling and looking open and friendly. there is no body language and the woman is not able to remove herself from his gaze. this kind of guy can easily fantasize about the girl and in many cases reduced to an object.
This has been the majority of my experience, I have been spoken to in shocking ways. men who have straight up asked if they could come round to my house. when I've only exchanged one message with them.

the knock on effect from this is that any women on dating sites will become guarded. this can set of a chain reaction where the men who are actually serious can become very weary and then they will resort to the tactic of messaging scores of women at the same time with a standard impersonal message. just to get a bite. the women who are willing to read these messages can see that it's just a stock message and that there is no effort and don't see any point answering it.

 

As I said though, you could get lucky. but luck is the key ingredient. honestly, I think I'd rather test my luck on the lottery.

by the way, this is even before we take into account that these sites have algorithms to change how often they display real accounts as opposed to time wasters. they are playing their customers.

sincerely.... do not go to dating websites. go out and carry on with your hobby. go to new places, start new courses, night classes, whatever. the best way to meet somebody who is genuine, is to keep out of the dating 'game'. because it is a game.  and it is played by players.

 

 

 

I should probably mention that I have never been in a relationship. you have. I know that doesn't help you right now, but you should use that as a bolster to your self confidence. self confidence is important.
you just have to focus on something you are good at. when you are good at something and you succeed at it, you become filled with confidence about that thing. this is what will make a girl interested. 
let's say for example, the subject matter were.. maybe something that is considered very geeky. like magic the gathering. I don't consider it a bad thing, but it is seen as a geeky thing by many people. I knew a guy who was very good at magic the gathering and he knew it and he was very confident. he had thick glasses and his teeth were crooked. but his confidence made him very attractive.

[Gazham]

If I was looking for a new relationship I think I would prefer online dating in a way. England had a massive drinking culture (might be most places, I don't know). The already tangled Web of social interaction becomes even more confusing on nights out. Unless there's some social clubs or interesting events to go to. Even bad dates from Internet dating are a positive, they force us to make an effort an learn how to get along.

Either way, all anyone can do is put themselves about and just be themselves. Honesty is always the best policy. If you're genuine I think it comes across in any medium.

Most people won't make the first move I think, so if you're willing to give it a shot there.

Even I managed to meet someone, despite my awkwardness. Just by forcing myself to do things and just being myself.

[H222G981]

Online dating did not work for me in the way I thought it would.

 

I did online dating for a while. But most girls just wanted to sleep with me and not want to keep a relationship. They just wanted to have sex and that was about it. I did date this girl for a month and a half, and than met this other girl...where we didn't have sex....and dated for 3 months before it ended. 

 

When I quit using the Internet for dating purposes. I ran into this girl I had gone to high school with for one year and we dated for 6 months before getting married. We've been married for 7 years now. 

[*guyverfan]

i can relate to you mirabilis.

online dating is a huge scam, its been proven and those profiles that you send messages and smileys to that never seem to respond is because they're fake. and those profiles that do, never live chat and only send automated questions. thats because their a site created fake profile.

its hard to find a genuine site, but there is some out there. my brother found his wife on one, but to be honest, i don't know how he puts up with her, she's bossier than our mum! which is why he couldn't wait to move out of home.

best place to meet someone is face to face when you're out and about. don't shy away for too long because time really does fly and before you know it you'll be bold,fat and fourty!

and there's nothing out there but wrinkled up, chain smoking single moms addicted to methodone of some sorts after that!

[durendal]

I don't trust online dating.  Believe it or not, I was just like every one of you.  Typical kid with not much of a social life.  But then I learned that being a geek isn't what defines me.  It's how I treat people and the way I present myself to them.  It took me a long time before I was able to get into a relationship.  And as years go by, I've realized that it's getting easier and easier to hook up with people.  Want to know what I learned?  It's confidence.  it's not just having it, its how you exude that.  Ever wonder why all the jerks get the girls?  Because they are confident with what they are doing.

[Super Existence]

Been a POF and okcupid user for over two years now and it's getting worse, people treat it like a sweet shop and wind up coming out with nothing.

 

I also detest how people put up shopping lists of physicalities, I find a lot of self entitled women writing things like; 'Must have perfect teeth, taller than me,

tattoos, no hair loss, I demand this, that because I am amazing!'

It makes me sick to my bloody stomach, can you imagine the back lash if a guy wrote;

'No fat women with fat arses cause I hate that, no manky teeth, Must have XX size breasts because that's what I want.'

Yet somehow this is ok with women on there....

There seems to be a mentality on there (at least from my experience which is a UK guy trying to date UK women) which is even if you're 99.95% compatible you still

aren't Tom Hardy....

 

I've had plenty of dates on there but its getting harder and harder with most women not even messaging more than a couple of times before vanishing, never

mind meeting up for a date!

 

I also think a lot of women set themselves up on a massive pedestal and their wishes for a partner too, too many opening lines like 'Looking 4 white knight,'

 

I get annoyed because online dating is the only option for me to meet women because my work is so male dominated and all my mates are single losers like me

In the real world I find talking to someone a cinch but online dating feels belittling as you are told to perform like a dancing monkey and you find it harder to make

that great first impression like you do in the real world.

[durendal]

Like I said, I don't trust online dating and that's one of the reasons why.  People get courage from the shield called anonymous.  It's where their hidden negative personalities come out.  Also, haven't anybody learned from the recent Ashley Madison hack?  And based on the statistics they released, majority of the users are pre-dominantly male, as in 90%.  So what makes you think it's possible to hook up using online dating sites.  They are all taking advantage of lonely male users by baiting them with unrealistic women.  As they say, it's a man's world out there.  Who knows, the woman you're talking to on the other side of the monitor might actually be a man.  It's a scary thought, but it's not far from being possible.