ErutanXiku

Ouch, hope you feel better...7 cavities?! The most I've had is a receding gum line, because apparently I brush too hard and I had that sorted out Autumn last year. I've got a few precautionary fillings though, from when I was younger, to do with preventing cavities from developing... I have had 4 teeth removed - all pre-molars - for when I had braces, and I remember those extractions being pretty painful on my right side, even with 4 shots of anaesthetic! I kept those teeth, though I'm not sure where they ended up since we moved house like 3 times since then...I'm sure they're around somewhere...

After much toil over the past few weeks and random spurts of inspiration, I've managed to complete the first chapter of my Angelic-based WIP! I first came up with this in 2006 and back then it went under a pretty crappy title that I do not wish to repeat...the current title, Lament of the Fallen is the "In-Working" title. I hate that it sounds so uninspired, but of all things, this story is the one I can't think up a decent title for...I'm hoping that once I figure out the way it's going, something will strike. For now, I'd be appreciative of some feedback (if any) on what I've done thus far: Chapter 00 - Prologue: http://www.mediafire.com/?jevkncmzjaczbn7 Chapter 01 - http://www.mediafire.com/?w9qlb127897y2zq The Prologue is largley setting the scene; establishing the version of Lucifer's Fall from Grace I'm going with...Oh yeah, it's another one of those 'Devil-based' stories (I can feel the eyes rolling). I hope that my story is different though - it's not based on one myth since there are so many takes on what happened and who played/plays what role, so yeah, I'm going to admit it now...my story takes elements that I deem appropriate. Often, a character's role will be based on the most prolific account, other times their role will be based on what I find more interesting to explore. Chapter 01 was a pain to write. The version used is 3.2 since at first, I wanted to maintain ambiguity and didn't name either of the two characters. However, it got tedious trying to find ways to differentiate the two and so I decided to reveal their names, hopefully they won't throw you off too much and you can figure out why I chose certain names. There are two previous versions of Chapter 01 written from different perspectives, but I didn't like either of them and so just let this one pretty much write itself rather than forcing the setting. I hope it came out okay...a part of me still isn't satisfied and I hope someone may be able to pick something out for me to expand upon. As for my plans regarding this story, I'm not sure what I'm doing...I just know that it's something I want to write. The ideas are there, it's just joining them up that poses the problem as well as deciding between a choice of routes to get to the ending. I know one thing though, this isn't going to be a long story that spans 50+ Chapters...probably 20-30 at most, maybe less. I don't know, I'm not restricting myself, but I know this isn't going to be a tale of 'epic' proportions. Because of how unorganised my thoughts are on this, I sometimes wonder if this story is worth letting go. I don't want to crap it up - if it's something, I want to be able to give anything I work on the proper care and thought it deserves. I say this because I'm in two minds regarding some of the laws for this story I've set in place and how they apply to Lucifer...it's something I'm going to have to think on, though it would probably go better if I had someone to bounce ideas off of *hint hint*

I've considered starting my own LiveStream before, but was never sure on how it worked...like if you needed any "special" tech or something, like a webcam, say...

Huh...okay, I'll be sure to pick it up. I had no idea what they meant by "Everyday" and then there wasn't an ingredients list to scan...I'll nip over Sainbury's tomorrow and see if they have any.

I find it hard to fully descrive the look he's pulling. It's a mix of not really liking where this is going with some desperation and a dash of confusion. Its sort of more like scrunching your face but only slightly. Hmm...you're right, putting it that way...it's a little hard to imagine, but when I put myself in his shoes...and based on what you're trying to convey, I'm feeling a mix of apprehension and dread, with my brow furrowing a little. Well as much as, since for some reason my forehead/brow doesn't display emotion - I swear, no botox! As for Xan's voice, I was only marking out my observation that you tend to use "barked" a lot when he speaks to Kyle. I understood fully that he was putting on the deep, gravelly Batman-voice (for some reason, I imagine it sounding somewhat like the Beast...actually...) A part of me has always wanted to own a blade, but I think it would be a shame to just own one because you can and then letting it gather dust. So, unless I can learn to use one, I won't be owning one anytime soon. As for guitars, well I own an acoustic from when I took lessons for a term in primary school. I was quite good, but when we moved the next term, I didn't pick the lessons up again since they were more expensive at the new school. Thus my guitar has been gathering dust, but I did get it repaired recently since my brother snapped a string and I do take it out now and again, I just can't play. Learning to ride a motorcycle is something I've been wanting to do since my uncle took me out on his when I was a kid - I loved it and it's something I've been meaning to do, only I'm not sure what the best option for learning is... My ex-friend got me an Artist's Set on my birthday a few years back, only I haven't taken it out since I'm terrified of it. I can paint, but only with Acrylics and Watercolour, but I have no idea how to use Oil Paints and Watercolour Pencils...and Oil Pastels...And Martial Arts I took to Orange-Tip - I gave it up because I couldn't make time for it while studying and then the dojo changed location and ownership. I still remember the moves I learned though.

I'm not sure if there's a question there, Eether? 1/2cm of Ginger isn't supposed to be that strong, but I guess it's all down to one's tolerance? Often, if I'm feeling really bad and the Gold Kili Ginger Drink doesn't cut it, my mum makes this brew of crushed Ginger in milk with a bit of Turmeric and sometimes Cardomom seeds - everything has to be mixed and the milk is brought to boil. That does the trick I've never tried a remedy that used Star Anise... EDIT I just realised that there was a contradiction in my earlier post - I said that I'm open to trying new teas, but then stated that the Clipper varieties at Asda didn't interest me. Not what I meant - I should have elaborated, but there were only Green; White and Everyday teas available - I like to ease in with something that I know I've drunk before and judge the quality of, like Earl Grey or English Breakfast and there wasn't any. I've never drunk Green Tea outside of Japanese restaurants, so can't judge too much on the difference in quality...

You're right, it does seem to suggest an impending diabetic attack! I'll see what I can do for toning it down, but it wasn't the best place to snip from. I chose it as an example of how words could be used artfully, though I'm not saying it's the perfect example. It was an experiment to see if putting something a certain way could help convey certain feelings better...plus I like to play with ways to describe a persons appearance. I'm happy to trawl through and find another snippet, possibly darker or one that contains more variety in what's going on. As for it being "Evil"...you do mean me re-writing Fruits Basket to make it Shigure/Tohru? Yeah, it's what happens...I'm even more evil in my Guyver WIP. There were just so many innuendo's between Shigure and Tohru, that I just had to wonder...how would it have gone if she was into him? Most of the Shigure/Tohru fics I come across have no viable basis - at least, I haven't come across any that do. Granted, mine probably has even less basis, but I'm trying to make it work. Sometimes falling for someone isn't just based on feelings developed over getting to know them, it could just take one look and then your mind goes somewhere that it can't come back from :/ As I said, it's tied heavily to the Manga so a lot of scenes will remain the same, just the reactions or motives for them would be different

Read the fic - it's an interesting premise. Aside from some grammar-related edits, my suggestions for the sample paragraph still hold - mainly regarding: Tetsuro agreed, but couldn't bring himself to voice his agreement as he looked around, human eyes scanning the dense vegetation around them. - I think the line just being Tetsuro couldn't bring himself to voice his agreement, as he looked around - human eyes scanning the dense vegetation around them. may have been enough? The use of "gotten" doesn't really suit writing outside of speech, so "arrived" would have been better. There's a few more, but my main concern was the huge run-on sentence disguised as a paragraph. You need to break it up because there are too many comma's. I know published author's break this rule - I did too - but a paragraph isn't a long sentence. Primeval is a time period and so refers to anything that has been around since the "dawn of time" or as far back as applicable, so it doesn't really lend itself to the anger Hk'Tak is experiencing...that would be more "Primitive/Primal" It was not until he was reaching some of the more useless frequencies for this planet that he detected something. There was a smudge and it was overlaid over the area his kills had fallen. - "Overlaid" and "Over" right next to each other, when they mean the same thing...I would have written it as: It was not until he was reaching some of the more useless frequencies for this planet that he detected something - there were smudges overlaying the area where his kills had fallen. Nonplussed, interestingly, doesn't mean what you assume it to be. I fell for the trap too, since it does sound like you're not bothered by whatever's happening - it actually means you're confused by something. I know it's being used increasingly in the US to mean the same as Nonchalant, so I guess it's down to your choice. Bespoke is another word that doesn't mean what one may think. It actually means "Made to someone's order" as in "Bespoke Software". A question regarding the Ancient Zoanoids - I'm bringing this up, mainly because I'm tackling the idea myself with my own Guyver fic in the works. How far back is the author referring to when saying "Ancient Zoanoids"? Fair enough, Cronos couldn't create Zoanoids like in the relief - they've been around for a few centuries/millenia...but who knows what the Creator's could have come out with... A bit later on, Hk'Tak is mentioned to have forgotten that the Guyvers could fly...I don't remember reading that they had displayed that ability earlier. When writing, the author needs to be careful not to write as they would speak, so while one may say "Should of" you're really saying, and thus should write, "Should have" or "Should've" - the latter example to be used in speech only, while the former is to be used in formal speech or as standard. There were other points where there were redundancies in the writing - needless repetition of words (well, more than is necessary) to drive home a point/emphasise the seriousness of a situation. It needs a bit of work on the editing, otherwise it's good. However, this is something I've been suggesting to Steel on his WIP - if you have long bits of speech, or frequent uses of full-stops in them, you may consider breaking the speech up by throwing in some actions (to quote myself): I hope this has been of some help? Sorry if I'm sounding a bit brash or abrupt - I honestly don't mean to. EDIT Forgot to highlight that the author needs to maintain consistency, i.e. they switch between "ooman" and "Ooman" - I would stick with the latter, since he's referring to them as a species...

Overall, good chapter Your writing seems to be getting more consistent and perhaps it's your original style coming out? A few things though...(I always hate this part...it's the nitpicking...) Xan stood up properly. Ill take the boy out later this afternoon. Give him the tour, keep him out of trouble. His voce was a course whisper. - Do you mean that he's resigned himself to giving Kyle the tour, since he's pretty much lumped with the task, and so he's "sighing in resignation"? Kyle cut him off, his eyes narrowing into pin pricks. Rhiannon! Is Rhiannon coming? - What expression is he trying to make? "Narrowing the eyes" is a method of conveying anger; focusing your vision or scrutinising something...at least in my experience. Though, since I'm getting the obvious impression that he's feeling pretty apprehensive of it just being him and Xan, it could be his pupils that are narrowing...so it's just a matter of wording/semantics Kyle scoffed his arms and shoulders falling limp like a petulant teenager. The dudes a major hard ass. God this will be a nightmare. he grumbled. - I think he should be "tutting" (clicking his tongue in annoyance/disapproval) or something, since "scoffing" is a way of showing disagreement or mocking, I think, for example like if someone were giving less than impressive ideas on something and the other were to scoff with "Why didn't I think of that..." *shrugs* Kyle sneered as he drew back, trying not too look at the Dhamphir at all. - I'm not sure if "sneered" is the right word, but then...you've already used "recoiled". Seeing as the situation is clear to read/understand, but the choice of "sneer"... Xan tends to "bark" a lot around Kyle, which itself means to say something abruptly - like an order to do something? I'm just wondering if, perhaps, there were other ways that could convey his sharp way of speaking around Kyle...like: What the hell do you want anyway? Xan barked from somewhere in the darkness. - I'm confused as to whether to use "growl" here or not, since the term would work better in the next example. So, perhaps, you could use something like..."What the hell do you want anyway?" There was a discernible hint of annoyance in the question that brought Kyle to attention....*shrugs* Kyle I really dont care. Dress how you would dress if you were going out on a mission. Its not the freakin prom! Xan barked as he threw the shutter back, pulling on a t-shirt and thankfully wearing some jeans. - Would he be more "growling in irritation", not sure, since Kyle is coming off as pretty inept by over-thinking the "tour"? Maybe you could throw in "sighed" after Xan says he doesn't care, couple with an action like pulling on his t-shirt... I think I should elaborate on my reason for "breaking up speech"...it's the full-stops you use in the middle of them. They throw me off and make me wonder if, perhaps, they're doing something at that point. I understand that your use of the "full-stop" serves to break up the sentence; either to provide a breather in an otherwise lengthy sentence, but also to help the reader understand the way something is said - the flow of it - like in natural speech. If you don't intend to break up speech with actions, then you can always use comma's; semi-colons or hyphens to help change/highlight stress and emphasis. The rules for their use in speech are the same as when in writing/reading - you may have noticed the way I use them when writing my posts... --- Reading about the swords Xan has on display (and remembering the ones one your wall, in your picture), reminded me of an old friend's sister. She was so proud that she owned an "authentic Japanese Katana" (obsessed with Japan and Sephiroth, despite not knowing anything about the latter since she's never played FFVII)...until I pointed out the "Made in China" engraving on the blade near the hilt. I don't think she's spoken to me since...

"Ho yay"? *Googles* Ooohh...I take full responsibility, though honestly...it's hard to resist when you set it up Speaking of which...I've been having an idea bouncing around. As to what it could be, however, while you can guess, I'm not telling...though I may need your permission...darn, maybe I shouldn't just run with it since it's early days... Anyway, while it's been a hard few weeks trying to pick up where I left off, I have been chipping away at my Lucifer-based story so something should be up in the next day or two...else I may finally give working on my comic a go again, by first re-drawing certain pages/panels. Though, before all that, I shall be reading the new instalment.

Didn't go Sainsbury's since we headed off to Rochester, but popped into Asda and while they had Clipper, they didn't have a tea-type I was interested in. Bought some loose tea and ordered my dream teapot What would the Ginger Drink by Gold Kili be classified as? I tend to drink it when I'm feeling under the weather - it does wonders at comforting me. I tend to drink Jasmine or Green Tea when I'm eating Japanese...and I suppose the one tea I don't like is Peppermint, ick...I have a few more bags of the stuff to go through...

I had no idea butter had that effect on bread...makes sense. I thought it was down to me liking the flavour of the slightly melted butter and sweetened tea... I just checked Sainsbury's Online and they have Clipper Tea! Does it matter if it's loose or in a bag? If it has to be loose, I'll have to wait on trying it until I manage to find a teapot...I could use a tea strainer, but again...I need a decent pot. As for depriving myself of coffee...I kind of have an embarrassing reason for that Part of the reason is that I was addicted to it and was drinking a cup more than once a day - had been drinking the stuff since I was like 12 or 13? The other part of the reason was down to this article I read and...um...yeah...I think it may have been right.

Revival! Not due to boredom or anything, but because I love tea! I gave up coffee a few years back...I still love the smell and it's so enticing to just fall off the wagon. I miss Frappe's and Cappuccino's...and all the other preparations of coffee there are, but tea has been good to me. I prepare my tea using tea bags - PG Tips preferably - but I would very much ideally like to prepare it from loose tea. The flavour is much richer with the latter, and one day I plan to hunt down a tea pot that has a brewing chamber in it. I'm open to trying all sorts of tea and herbal infusions, but my favourite is the classic Earl Grey. I tend to prepare it with one sugar and if it's from a tea bag, I pour milk - I like it to be an off-white colour. If it's herbal or Earl Grey, then no, I don't add milk because it just tastes weird. I love Afternoon Tea - Scones with strawberry jam and clotted cream, though if I don't have any to hand a good Rich Tea biscuit or Digestive is fine, or crackers with butter. In Fiji, when my extended family was still there, they would often serve mildly sweetened black tea with buttered bread; the combination was divine. For this, you can't use pre-sliced bread, you have to get a loaf and cut 1 inch-thick slices yourself. The Tarik sounds interesting; I might give that a go, provided I don't spill it everywhere when doing the mixing

Read over it a while back but couldn't think of what to suggest, then read it again. There are few things to do with cleaning up grammar and use of punctuation, as well redundancies. It's a pretty interesting snippet... Would you prefer me to do a rewrite of the piece or just highlight examples of what my suggestions entail?

Yeah I know, it's more of a fantasy pairing, a "What If" on had she fallen for him instead. During the course of the Manga, I was a supporter of Yuki/Tohru, but I'm fine with the canon pairing. I was just re-reading the Manga and the idea just struck me, and it refused to leave so since the pairing couldn't be satisfied by other people's work, I decided to take a stab at it myself. Don't worry, I'm not going ruin it by making it all seem easy. It's tied heavily with the events in the Manga, just with a different spin on things, so that's my challenge - making it appear plausible, as an alternate take.

Hrm...I may take a stab at redrawing a page tonight. I em fee-ling ze erj...(Sorry, phonetic French...) Then again, a part of me also wants to give writing this as a story a stab. It could work both ways; since I'm not a prolific "artist", I could easily turn it into a Light Novel with illustrations thrown in. We'll see...maybe I could put up a sample of this chapter since it's in the works for script purposes.

Not sure if non-Tokusatsu/Sentai/Guyver fics are allowed, but I felt like sharing and all the talk going on in the "Pet Fanfic Hates" thread got me itching. Especially the line I threw in about using words artfully. Excuse the title, it's not the most creative of titles, but it wandered in and stuck since it's in reference to a line Shigure threw. The following is a taster from one of the later chapters, and while it could hardly be considered an "artful" example, it's the best that I could do and is probably one of my favourite bits of writing... -- Shigure wasn’t sure what had awoken him, after all dawn had barely broken past the threshold of the horizon. The first thing he had become aware of, before he had opened his eyes, was the scent of Tohru’s hair – the gentle flavours enticing him to sleep on among their field forever. They had somehow managed to sleep without bumping into each other, despite how close their bodies were. He shifted a little, so as to watch her better, and the sight of her sleeping took his breath away. She looked so peaceful and content, ‘How is it that I didn’t notice the first time…?’ he wondered, casting his mind back to that first night when he had accidentally transformed. He remembered that he had woken up first then too, though rather than being moved by the sight before him, he had been filled with disgust and self-loathing at what he had almost done to her, ‘What has changed now…that when I look upon you…’ He traced her features, wishing to burn this moment into his memory - the arch and graceful sweep of her brow; the flush of her eyelashes; the dart of her pert nose; the flow of her irresistibly soft and full lips - all framed in delicate porcelain skin that wrapped about the gentle outline that defined her features. As he looked upon her, he knew he was simply admiring her like one does with art, ‘Or am I…?’ At that moment, as though she had felt him studying her or perhaps sensed that his thoughts were flickering into regions he would rather avoid, Tohru’s eyes fluttered open slowly. She drew in a breath, her eyes blinking a few times before casting up to meet his and presented him with a smile so bright it rivalled the Sun; a smile so bright and blissful it humbled him, ‘Surely I can’t be worthy of that…’ -- Yeah...that's as much as I'm going to share. You can leave your impressions, I don't mind, but I know that it'll probably make more sense if anyone's familiar with Fruits Basket. Or maybe not, since it's just drama. I haven't officially published the fic, since I haven't finished writing it...and the first chapter doesn't really satisfy me very much, thus it's under constant scrutiny. Also, these days, I'd like to make a bit more headway with a fic before publishing anything. Just know, that there will be two endings to this; a True Ending and a Good Ending, since I couldn't decide which to settle on...yeah, I took a leaf out of Type-Moon's book.

I'm not sure if you want my impression on it so soon...but I figure that's why you've put it, so here goes... ... .. . Wow...that's a major leap in style; I'm blown away by the growth! How do you feel about it? I know it's a lot of work to maintain that kind of standard, but is it something you're comfortable with? I'd thump you in the arm for holding out on the goods (Kyle and Xan's "man-date") but it's an enjoyable read, otherwise...seems more "alive" in a way I look forward to more; as always it's a pleasure to read what you're creating. Gosh, that sounds like a major fan-spiel, which I suppose it is, I can't think of anything to suggest...I'll probably hold on that until this is complete...but yeah, how do you feel about it? Regarding Jason though, I was thinking more London Cab-Driver...the stereotype associated with it anyway But if you don't mind me asking, if you're stuck on how to make Jason work - since you say he's more suited to the US setting, but he could still work in the UK - I could help iron out any issues you may have?

Ack...I'm going to have to convert a few eps of Code Geass just to make sure they'll work on my PS3...not too keen on watching stuff on the PC. As for new titles this season... Fractale - Heard interesting things Wandering Son - The premise intrigues me Kore Wa Zombie Desu Ka? - Don't know if I'll stick with this, but the surface similarity to 3x3 Eyes interests me Dragon Crisis! Level E The last two I don't have much of an opinion on, but they caught my interest for some reason...I haven't picked up either of those titles mind, just bouncing them around. Also, I'm looking forward to the Supernatural Anime...you know, the one based on the TV Series Apart from all that, I'm very hard pressed on what Anime to consider spending my time watching :/ Regarding my current list: Ayashi no Ceres - Fushigi Yuugi is one I've considered watching; Ayashi no Ceres I thought about because I had been recommended it. Naisho no Tsubomi - This I picked up because I read the Manga and was curious about how it had been handled in Anime-form - it's a coming of age story that deals with girls (and boys, but to a lesser extent since it's told from a girl's POV) going through changes at that age. I know, sometimes I wonder about the stuff I come across too...but it was a subject that was handled pretty well in Manga. My HiME - A friend of mine highly recommends it, and has been bugging me to watch it for some years now. KareKano - Heard the Manga was much better since the Anime totally skewed the spirit of it, but I'd prefer to watch it and then try and get hold of the Manga's. Orphen Revenge - Yeah, I heard Orphen Revenge was pants compared to the first series, but I figure I should watch it.

I was reminded of this while writing my latest post. It's a dream I had last night and it was about my father. I was on a semi-crowded train, heading home from somewhere and I was listening to my music, when I looked up and saw my father standing opposite me by the doors. He was calling my name, as I could lip-read, and so I took out my earphones to hear him. He then tried to plead with me, asking me why I hadn't been in contact with him and I just laid it all out, telling him why we left and that we didn't want anything to do with him. The people on the train stopped what they were doing and just watched as our drama unfolded, and when his stop came, he begged me to get off at his stop so that we could talk, but I wasn't moving. The other people on the train tried to help me, sticking up for me and telling him to go - some even gave him money, telling him to take it and leave. He didn't take it and he eventually gave up and stepped off. Just as the doors were closing, I realised that I did have something to talk to him about - my condition - and jumped off, apologising to the other passengers. I ran and caught up with him at the next platform, where he waited for the next train that would take him home, and we talked. I apologised for what happened at his step-father's funeral last year, which was the first time I'd seen him since we left, despite it not being my fault...it was his brother's. Then I proceeded to ask him if there were any health issues in the family, which he said that there weren't, and then I told him about my condition. He didn't show any reaction to it, just a simple "Oh," and then mentioned that his train was coming. I saw that it was and said that I had to go, but he said that I wasn't going anywhere and that I was coming over to his for dinner - he wasn't saying it light-heartedly, but forcefully. Not knowing what else to do, I just ran and he chased after me; I headed back into the main part of the station and looked for the nearest Security Guard. When I got to him, I looked back and my father wasn't there, then I asked the Guard for help asking him to send out a notice to keep my father away from me, while I continued my own journey home. I'm not sure what else was going to happen, but that's when I woke up because my mum was knocking on my door :/ However, if that doesn't scream "Daddy Issues", I don't know what does

That's something I've never been able to wrap my head around...why does a story that's dark and gritty - usually post-apocalyptic - automatically equal, and for some justify, the prolific use of coarse language? It's not a nitpick, just something that I've never understood and I just tend to come across it... Yesterday, I finally brought an end to my first fanfic. It was a very hard thing to do, but it was a long time coming since the last update was 6 years ago - gosh, time really flies...I always thought that I'd be able to pick up from where I left off and continue it, but I'm not the person I was back then and it'd be odd with the different tone of writing. So I think, that if I were to ever touch on it again - a part of me really wants to, since the direction I always planned to take it in was quite good - I would have to do a complete reboot. This will allow me to change a lot of things about it - when I first started, I was rough and in need of polishing, and that fic was an important learning curve for me. I just feel so bad, since I was so determined to not let it die...and now I have. I'm quite disappointed in myself, but I'll probably plan the reboot on the side and see how far I go. A gripe on certain reviews... Reviewers that make assumptions - Someone was probably directed to the fic I just cancelled from a C2 group (on FF.net) that linked to fics that involve Sephiroth and Cloud. They read my fic and were put out to find that it wasn't filled with steamy content between the two, when nowhere did I allude to there being any. The fic only highlights that it's about the two, which it is. As a rule, I do not write that kind of stuff...I may entertain the idea sometimes because it's funny, but it's not what I'm into and so I don't touch it. --- This is a tip for writers to keep in mind and I've only recently discovered this; While it may seem obvious to you on how certain things work in a world, it may not seem so with the readers. As an example, in my DBZ fic I thought it would be obvious why Bulma wouldn't know that Broly was a Saiyan...evidently, not. I'm pretty sure they've never met, so my fic would have them meeting for the first time and Broly doesn't look like the Saiyan's Bulma has met, i.e. they all wore Frieza's armour and Goku didn't even know he was an alien, and then I'm going with the theory that he doesn't have a tail. Physically, he doesn't have one because Paragus probably chopped it off to control him better - imagine controlling a rampaging Oozaru - while genetically he still does, which is why his clone had one. Then my Fruits Basket/Bleach crossover - Ichigo would still freak out around talking cats. It goes against what he knows to be the law of the world; you can't say that Yoruichi "cured" him of it, since he has a logical explanation for why Yoruichi is the exception. For him, the law is still "Cat's don't talk" and when he's thrown into another world, that he doesn't know the laws of, he'll naturally fall back on the fundamental laws he grew up with. Don't know why I'm discussing it here, but those are things I'm going to address in my fics at some point since, while I feel that these things are fundamental to canon, others may not think that deeply or just don't share my way of thinking about things. As for Steel's suggestion on a place to help develop one's ability; I'm all for that. I'd be happy to help if someone asks me directly, but I don't really leave reviews on fics these days because I get the impression that people write for the fun of it and don't like it when someone comes along and rips everything apart after all the hard work they went through. It's a different matter if they've got a draft they're working on, or if it's still early days and there's time to fix things, but to leave a review like 10+ chapters in that raises a ton of questions... Then there's the thing that, unless the writer is willing to accommodate changes and genuinely wants to improve their writing and the delivery of their story, any constructive criticism/advice given will just fall on deaf ears and it'll be a complete waste of effort. I feel like I'm walking in a field of land-mines here when I make these comments, because I don't want my words to be misconstrued and read too much into. I'm just speaking in general terms that could apply to anyone. As for everything here, it certainly does seem like the "Complainers Corner", but while they're all Pet Peeves, I do hope it helps someone in someway. Especially, perhaps, in realising that if they happen to tick any of the boxes, they may wish to improve and change their style a little - or at the very least, become aware of things their readers may not like...

Read it and it's very good - like the improvements you've made, and I can feel Xan's irritation more I look forward to the next part! I just realised...after Kyle's first meeting with the Order, outside his apartment, he goes to sleep and is later woken up and taken straight to the HQ...does he spend that entire time from being dragged out of bed to throughout the whole of Chapter 2...in like...his boxers or something? Unless of course he's wearing layers, 'cause it's Winter... I can't think of much, apart from perhaps try to break up long parts of speech as it could come off like a "Wall of Text" and feels like the character is rambling a little. I wouldn't touch writing in accents with a ten-foot pole; it's always annoying when you see it and then you have to try and make sense of what's being said. It makes reading it a bit harder, and then when you do make it coherent enough, it always seems off. Though, there may be some exceptions...such as the stereotype of "Top o' the morning to ye/yeh/ya"...whatever...>.> that's just an example in general. As for locations for the Order of Gabriel, you could place them across Europe, but there's nothing stopping you from making it Global, though you don't have to explore that far. If you want to set it in the US, go for it, since I set in London because that's what I'm familiar with - someone else could have easily set it in Auckland or Brisbane based on the Western name selection Also, for some reason, I do associate the Supernatural mythology with Europe since that's where it all came from, pretty much.

I've always been partial to Sony Ericsson and while I have a contract iPhone - only got it to experiment and test any Apps I may build for it...if I ever do - I still use my w850i as an mp3 player and as a backup. I've had it since it was launched, so it's got a pretty good life and it's only starting to do weird stuff now, like switching itself off and forgetting it's position on the playlist, but these are intermittent. As for Nokia, I have a 6600 Slide that I gave to my brother, which seems to be doing fine, and an ancient 3100 (I think) that still works, but needs a new cover since it fell apart... It all comes down to what you want from it really; but I'd tend to go for newer models for personal use and older ones for business or back-ups.

For some reason, I prefer the phrase "Spirits Waning" to "Dispirited", because then it opens the possibility of him adding some thought on him doubting his abilities, or if it was a fluke, in case you were thinking of expanding on it... I don't think you need to worry about it looking like a Supernatural (TV Series) rip-off; there are so many Supernatural-based (mythology in general) stuff out there. Sure, most revolve around Vampires and Werewolves, but there's always going to be that overlap. Also, for some reason, anything that deals with the Supernatural (mythology) is always dark and gritty, with humour thrown in to lighten up the pace. So, while it might be something constantly on your mind, don't worry about it :/ I had a similar worry about my Lucifer-based story, mainly how I was planning on portraying him. I came up with that story long before Supernatural (TV Series) came out, and I had it pretty set how I wanted Lucifer to be...only since I didn't have a finished product, and we were introduced to Lucifer in Supernatural (TV Series), I saw that there were similarities and I didn't want people to think I had ripped the attitude off. It's how coincidence works, and it's not something you can avoid, since someone else will always have a similar idea, just some are in a better position to get it out before you do :/ As for where I see it set...I've been envisioning it to be somewhere in the UK...I'd say London, since it's what I'm familiar with, but it could just as well be set up in your ends. I made that choice because a lot of stuff I watch is set in America, so it would be nice to have a decent story set in the UK, just to be different...even though there was that series, Spooks, but I haven't watched it, been meaning to though. However, reading it, despite me mentally setting it in London/anywhere in the UK, I do notice the American-isms like the use of "blocks" as opposed to "streets", which made me unsure of where you intended it to be set, since it's never outright said :/ Just to be sure...Xan is meant to have the "X" pronounced as it is in "Xylophone", right? Since it's a shortened version of his forename...? But definitely, write him the way you planned, since second-guessing yourself on it might ruin him :/

Never thought of it that way. I guess the discription if for the reader, but I puctured it as how Kyle would see the room as he entered and looked around. So a bit of both. How do you think I can clear that up? Re-read the passage and it seems okay...don't know what made me ask that :/ It sounds like Kyle is recalling the layout of the room from where he is on the bed - sitting up, right? I'm a little stumped on how to clear it up actually, since you can either choose to leave it as is, or do something more with Kyle such as have him wander about to the coffee table or something, which will give you an opportunity to describe that area then briefly wonder about taking a shower, which in turn will trigger a memory and his impressions on the bathroom or something. Or you could go a bit deeper with the thinking back on things, like his impressions of the base - who gave him the tour and what did they have to say about certain areas, if he remembered anything about it apart from the areas pointed out to him...and then when he's introduced to his room, how he felt about it and if he explored? Yeah I see your point. I was going for an expresion of displeasure and dissapointment... but not a frown. Did a little thinking on this one, and based on the feeling you wanted to convey, I thought "Crestfallen" would work, but that isn't suited for the situation. So, I hit the thesaurus and came up with "Dispirited"? It is suposed to be kind of harsh. She's paniced and under pressure. The harshness isn't aimed at Kyle but its the stress of the situation comming out. By "Harsh" I meant more to convey anger/disapproval...sorry. So she's "on edge" based on the situation..."Whispered Edgily" might work? --- Castiel is pure class and the guy who plays him, Misha Collins, is excellent considering the other roles I've seen him in. I keep thinking of Supernatural when I read your chapters - not comparing them, mind, but just feeling nostalgic over it and waiting for the 6th Season to start...which apparently is in the Summer! So, I got impatient and am doing what my brothers are doing at Uni... I love that line he drops in Season 5, when he turns up drunk. But anyway, I've always pictured Jason to be a somewhat older Dick Gumshoe from Phoenix Wright, but he also has similarities to Castiel's appearance - the scruffy, detective look they all share. Regarding Xan - I just figured out where this nickname came from! - I understand your concerns on his character, since he's the Onion. What you don't want to do is give him too many flaws to balance out the awesome, as that can also ruin your character and label him as the dreaded "Emo" (yeah, I know I'm using it out of context, and it annoys me, but I won't be labelling him that, other people will) He'll become the Vincent Valentine of the crew - not from FFVII, but from how SE has portrayed him now, or maybe even Cloud Strife as he is now, rather than FFVII. I hate what SE has done to them...so...very...much... I've always pictured Xan, or rather thought what you had in mind for him as I read, to be more like Archer from Fate/Stay Night in terms of personality. The strong male character who gets the job done, but also has his issues. He's very level-headed and can keep his eyes on the big picture; he isn't exactly aloof, but he comes off like an ass though has a whole bunch of layers underneath that flippant exterior. As for using him as your outlet character, I see nothing wrong with that. The majority of my issues with my life and experiences are dealt with by my characters in my comic, only I haven't just put them all on one character. It's, oddly, been spread out among each of them to some degree and I did that without even realising, such as I have one character, Malcolm, who's the part of me that I keep reigned in - he goes about doing and saying things that I normally wouldn't do, and then there's Chris' older brother, Anthony, who unintentionally became the character that embodies my experiences of having to grow up early and the fears associated with that :/ Granted not everyone who's in a similar position to me has turned out like I have, but that's how it is...what I find even more odd, is that I've channeled myself mainly in male characters :/ EDIT I forgot to mention, way earlier, that yes, I did notice that Kyle's sleep-experiences mirrored your own