ErutanXiku

Putting the stories in order could be considered the hard part as once you have a few set up, more will most likely sprout - as is the case with me And swapping POV's could be interesting; it's worth a shot on seeing how it works out, but it definitely does offer the opportunity to round out the characters more. I have noticed that you've been giving yourself weekly deadlines; you don't need me to tell you this, but don't push yourself. Write as and when you feel like it, more like a combination of having the time and frame of mind - forcing it out will likely run you into writer's block and then you'll just keep putting it off. It's okay to take as long as you need to get a chapter out to just how you like it; I mean, you don't want to put it off too long, but then seeing as I'm the only one reviewing, there's no real rush since I can't preach about taking too long with stuff, hehe, that and I don't see myself going anywhere. For some reason, when I feel like I'm pressuring myself to get something done, a quote from The 10th Kingdom comes to mind - I love that mini-series. It's when the Wolf lets Virginia stroke his tail, only she goes "against the grain" and he tells her to go "With the fur, with the fur!" I don't know why, but even though it has nothing to do with what I just said, it still reminds me to take my time and let things flow. If you're too tired or not in the mood to write, but know you need to do it, don't - just go back to it when you feel you're up to it, that way you can ensure you're always doing your best work...or something like that. My brain works in weird ways - it's a scary combination of stupid and "smart"...at least it scares my brother. As for the new chapter; it feels more fleshed out and I'm not sure, but it feels like you've been taking some of the things I said to practice - most notably, expanding on description and varying words for "said" Though, a few things...when Kyle is describing his room, is he recounting what he saw upon entering, or is he going through it so that he's guiding the reader with him? Also, you may want to go over some of the descriptions for expressions and "said" variations, as I'm getting the feeling that some of them are a bit harsh. You may be going over this in your clean up, but I'll point it out anyway...it kind of falls in line with the misunderstanding I had over Xan's outburst in Chapter 2. Examples of what I mean are: “…no… I can’t…” He sneered before blinking a few times, his eyes starting to burn. - "Sneered" is, to me, a more aggressive term and you'd usually use it when belittling someone/scoffing at them. Kyle turned to her. His stern expression actually giving her some reassurance - "Stern" is a more disciplinary term, so I think "Determined" would be better? “Sounds like its coming from the other side.” Rhiannon hissed as they covered behind the small hatchback. - "Hissed" is similar; it's a harsh way of whispering, which I don't think she means to be doing. “WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!” Kyle whimpered as he checked himself for holes. - Capitals don't go with "Whimpering", that's more "Exclamation". "Whimpering" is a more broken up sentence, like "Stammering", but it has that fearful edge instead of being flustered; you could have it be instead: "What the heck is going on?!" Kyle exclaimed fearfully, as he ducked down beside Jason and checked himself for holes. or something like that... Simply, the point I'm making is to go over the reactions and try to hit the right mark - of course, I understand that you're going to polish it, but keep it in mind just in case Also, I'm not too sure how I feel, as a reader, about Rhiannon opening up to Kyle so quickly...well revealing her emotional side that deeply, when she's been introduced to be a woman who's quite upfront and business-like, with next to no patience where Kyle is concerned. That and she seemed pretty "together" during the raid on his apartment. Unless of course, that was the "Big Reveal" you mentioned, then ignore what I said This is probably me not understanding the act, but what is she doing when she's tapping her teeth together? I'm getting a mental image of a chipmunk... Is it her nervous tic? For some reason, I don't seem to have any comments on Jason yet...he seems okay. Xan, on the other hand, is giving too many mixed signals, but I suppose that's down to his character Otherwise, I think it's going well so far; as I've maintained, I like the tone of your writing and the way you deliver certain lines and thoughts works well, in that when it's funny I do find it funny, and then I tend to laugh at more inappropriate things like Kyle's "Ultimate Attack" (as I've dubbed it) against the adversary - keep it up and I look forward to the polished work. Just be careful with how you word things, because while the intended imagery is clear, the wording can confuse it Oh and at the further risk of sounding daft (more than I've already made myself out to be, anyway), is that Latin? Do you know Latin? I've been interested in learning, but never got around to it...or rather haven't yet.

I don't think you have to write fanfiction to be able to express an opinion on what you like; you could just read for leisure like with books - provided you have the time. We all have preferences; I mean, I'm hardly a good writer, but I try, and as a reader, I know what floats my boat You make a point though, about how writing fanfiction limits one's creativity...but for me, I don't feel that is so. I find it an interesting challenge/exercise in developing my writing, also it keeps me grounded in a way, so that with my own works, I don't get so outlandish. It also helps to define rules and sensibilities...at least, that's how I've developed, since I couldn't get reliable critique on my own works, so fanfiction was my way of developing as a writer. I would often ask my mum or friends for opinions, but friends and family are the worst critics since they'll feel obligated to like your work, or don't know how to react to it if it's not their thing. It's something that's frustrated me about FF.net though, that a lot of reviews you get are nonsense and don't provide anything in the way of constructive criticism; yeah, it's flattering to know you love my work, but is there anything else? Like how it's written or how I can improve it? I've, thankfully, had a few reviews that steered me in the right direction, and am still bumbling along, trying to polish myself, hehe. That's a true statement and probably applies to almost everyone; the summary is the first thing you'll see of a fic, and who wants to read something that's basically babble and begging for people to read? You wouldn't put that on a book to be published - again, I'm placing too much serious emphasis... It's sometimes one of the hardest things to work out for me, even more that settling for a title(!), since I don't want it to give too much away of the plot, and I don't want it to be too obscure that it has connection with the story at all. Also, it has a word limit... Two more gripes I forgot to include... Excessive Coarse Language - Yeah...I've never been a potty-mouth, and I don't like reading something that overuses profanity. I mean, does anyone actually talk that way? My one shame, however, is my Saiyuki fic, Proud of my Loneliness. When I read it now, I'm shocked at the way I wrote and a part of me wants to go back and change everything, but then it wouldn't be a testament to my development as a writer. It's not a bad story; rough around the edges, but just the level of language...Perhaps, that fic had the unfortunate fate of being my outlet, since I was at a certain age and now I've mellowed...shame; shame; shame... Badly Written Intimacy - I don't actively hunt these out, since I'm a prude, but sometimes it's not something you can avoid. Especially, when dealing with a mature storyline - even in published works. Plus, there's always going to be that fantasy pairing...however, since I'm reading to enjoy a story for the drama, what puts me off is how badly these situations are written and handled. Often, characters will go OOC, but more often, I don't like seeing certain words used to refer to certain anatomical parts; it kind of lowers the standard in a way and is pretty insulting, considering I have a high level of respect for the Human Body in general (to a point where it could be considered creepy, I mean...it's an amazing piece of work). God, I'm making it sound like I paid for an S-Class show, and got some Cheap Sleazy Porno instead...but it feels that way. I mean, if the story itself is classy, then why degrade it with poorly written intimacy? Some of them are so bad, I gag. Also, it begs the question of whether the intimacy is an essential part of the story, and whether it was thrown in to spice things up or just because that was the focus of the author... For me, writing is an art, and I put a lot of pressure on myself to use the English Language to such a degree, that I can almost paint a picture with words. There's nothing more satisfying for me, than using words in an artful manner, because if used correctly it could be beautiful...almost poetic - yes, I also dabbled in poetry... There are various ways to accomplish this, one could be to write detail to a Tolkien-level of accuracy (which I dabbled in and ended up not liking), but I'm hoping to steer my way into writing with less description, but with just as much impact. Of course, I don't hold other writers to my standard, but it doesn't stop me from having preferences. An example of a recent published work I hated is The Birthing House. I have no idea how it was given the green light to be published, and got rid of it as soon as I could - sadly, I dropped it off at my local charity shop, having too much respect to have it donated to the local library...

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Uh yeah...everything I write is on FanFiction.net and I always use the same Username as I do here, but here's the link: http://www.fanfiction.net/~erutanxiku Sorry, I wasn't expecting that lol, but I haven't been writing steadily for about 5 or so years now, and have been constantly thinking of how to continue my work's with no real sense of inspiration - though I have started fics in that time and added a chapter here and there. As said, I'm only just getting back into them...

Regarding names, I don't care where they come from...it's a name. You're hardly going to write a fic with an OC that doesn't have a name that suits the Universe it's set in If, however, they're meant to be of a certain lineage, then there has to be a reason for the name being different. Continuing your example of the DBZ-verse, the OC in my fic will be given a new name by their Saiyan father. Naturally, it would be a Vegetable-related pun, but the father wants his child to symbolise a new start for him because of all the crap he's been through; he'll get suggestions from another character, but I think ultimately he'll give her something completely different...I haven't decided what though, but Selene sounds nice, also it means "Moon" thus retaining the Saiyan link... I don't mind Next Gen fics, but they have to be done really well. I know author's can't do it right, but some fans out there may have a better appreciation for their work and feel that they can retain the spirit - I feel when author's do it, it suffers because they usually do it as an excuse to cash in and it's pretty obvious that they never gave the idea much thought. I was working on a Flash/Supergirl fic gave the story and characters so much thought (their two children had inherited a balance between their parent's powers, but they were nowhere as strong since they were half Human/half Argosian, but that also meant they had their own immunities/resistances), that it really upsets me that I won't be working on it since the idea was shared and created by my ex-friend - this is a reason why I rarely do Co-Op's; with her, I never walked into the idea lightly, but she was so persistent. I also came up with a Jubilee/Scott fic that focused on them, but also the Next Generation...it was again a masterpiece in the making, well it had a lot of potential since it also spanned the lives of the other X-Men. Again, despite me coming up with the idea, a lot of the planning was made with my ex-friend and so unless I can think of a way of doing it without using her suggestions (which is practically half of the damn thing) I won't be working on it...though if I feel rebellious enough, I might write it anyway...it's too good to not work on just because she wants to be a selfish mare. However, the point of Next Gen fics is to focus on the Next Generation so they would be the points of interest, but you're right there...it's not like the parents have suddenly disappeared from existence; they too would still be dealing with their drama. I never got the point of Drabbles...but I don't limit myself to a set chapter length anymore. I average about 1,500-2000 words, and that's based on how I feel when I write - I stop once I feel that a chapter is "complete". I used to impose a 10,000 word limit, but not anymore...incidentally, that was the rule for the fic I've axed. I haven't officially stated it, since some part of me is hoping that I'll take it up again and complete it, but I can't. I know where it's going and how it's supposed to end, but I can't bring myself to work on it, so I'll be putting up a closing page soon - thanks for reinforcing that idea. Though...I may reboot it, but it depends on how I feel - since it's based on FFVII, my motivation has decreased further what with the way SE has been butchering it. A few titles I'm working on are on hold, but I'm slowly getting back into them - I feel my creativity slowly creeping back, but I'll never cancel a fic unless I outright say so As for grammar, I recently found this site and I love it: Common Errors in English Usage

I was worried about it coming across that way, and while I did think of your QG fic, I was more worried about it looking like I was taking my opinions to a public forum - which I wasn't. I was just voicing my deep-rooted opinion on my preferences for fanfiction (as was the intention of the topic), and besides...we've covered those aspects already and I guess, I could label myself satisfied...just, it happens to tick two boxes on my "Pet Peeves" list but as always iterated, it's your fic, don't make any changes to it on my account, I'll be happy to know that my opinion was at least considered. About the Overpowered OC's, it's just something that doesn't interest me. Sure, I dabbled in it myself - nothing wrong with it, but I consider the act more as part of my "experimental" phase to see what floated my boat as a writer/reader. I noted a conflict of opinion when I listed it, in that the very notion of it breaks the Universe (as it pulls away from the implicit suggestion that the main character, i.e. any Shounen protagonist, is the powerful one), but at the same time the Universe doesn't outright deny, nor support, the possibility...so yeah, it just boils down to me not "getting turned on" - for lack of a better term - by it. The idea doesn't just apply itself to, let's say, a Soul Reaper that's stronger than Ichigo, but can also lend itself to something like Harry Potter (hate the series) where you have a character who has exceptional magical ability, but has had a more traumatic backstory just to rival the hero's and somehow the two end up together and live happily ever after...that would be a combination of Overpowered OC and Mary Sue/Marty Stu - something I'm trying very hard to steer Haruka away from, but in her case it would be Mary Sue, since I never planned for her to be overpowered. As for the Japanese thing...it's just one of the things I can't get over. It's a shame, because I'll probably come across a very well-written fic and as soon as it get's to dialogue, lo and behold...Japanese is thrown in and I switch off. It's bad of me, but I can't get past it, it just reminds me of how on most Anime/Manga-based forums that are over-run by new fans and every other word they utter is a Japanese one, because they think they look/sound cool or just to show their appreciation of Japan or because it makes them appear more "hardcore" *shudders* I was never like that, but for a time I was a mindless drone that shunned Dubs, until some rational part of my mind took over and I grew up...I think that at the time, since the other two people I knew in real life who were into Anime were like that didn't help. They would continually utter "Bishie; Bishie; Kakkoi; Sugoi; Kawaii..." and single phrases like that, and never in the right context... But yes, I understand it's your preference at the end of the day and I'm not exactly your target audience (well, maybe a tiny bit, since it's aimed at Guyver fans), just someone who bounces ideas around. Having thought about it further, I don't think that there is an easy way to offer people unfamiliar with Japanese a way of understanding it without breaking the flow of the story. Putting definitions at the top of the page would be handy, but when they do encounter the word, they'd have to scroll back up to find the definition if they don't remember it and will probably lose their place in the process. Having it at the bottom doesn't help either, since reading it won't make any sense and when they get to the bottom, they'll probably want to double-check the context it was used in to have it make sense. Then there's the option of putting the definition where the word appears, but that breaks the flow as well, and in all cases, unless a person is eager to learn, they will probably wonder why it wasn't kept in English in the first place, considering everything else is. I apologise for complicating it. I know Japanese is a confusing language, but I don't think it's any more confusing than other languages out there - yeah, there are easier one's to learn, like French/Italian/Spanish, but that's because they share a similar Latin root to English...at least that's why I find them easier to learn...but it's like learning English for those not native to it. I'll give you that though, I don't think I see myself learning Kanji/Hiragana/Katakana anytime soon, I don't think even the average Japanese person knows more than 90 or so characters :/ As for bad fanfics with bad authors, I'm sorry to ask (and at the risk of sounding very dim) you do mean authors that disregard anything and everything when writing, right? Sorry, you just confused me with 'Idiot' and 'Bigot'...'Idiot' I get, but isn't a 'Bigot' when someone is prejudiced and intolerant to other views? (kind of like how I come across sometimes ...I respect other opinions, but sometimes I prefer to agree to disagree, since most of my points are just as valid as others...unless a suitable rebuttal is made)

Since you asked...I agree with Toku's point on Grammar - I can't stand bad grammar, especially where someone has made an obvious lack of attempt at cleaning it up, or their only excuse is "English is not my first language," I know that's harsh of me, but if you're really that bothered by it then get a beta (FF.net has a place to look for one) or get a friend with better English than yours to go over it. I would perhaps be more inclined to read it if someone who's English was bad put a note up to that effect, but also showed signs that they were taking the writing seriously - asking for advice, or clearly using the writing as an exercise to develop their use of the language. Also, I agree with the point on sticking to the rules of the universe the fic is set in...however, my opinion on using AU/AR as a loop-hole is up in the air, but I avoid these anyway...'What-If's' I don't mind so much. I feel that it shows a good measure of skill and understanding if someone can write a decent fic, while sticking to the rules and characters they're working with. It says something when you write a piece and the readers get the feeling that it could happen. Lack of Consistency - This is where someone can't decide from which POV they're writing from. I came across one where the author largely wrote from a third-person POV, but when it came to certain scenes the POV and pace changed completely - at some points, the fourth wall was even broken, e.g. "blah blah, and oh my gosh! His grip was so powerful, it sent tingles through her skin (like mine, wow!)...blah blah etc." It was a Hwang/Seung Mi-Na fic and the premise was mundane, but I was bored and needed a fix for my obsession with this pair...but coming across that type of writing put me off. Japanese - Largely a personal preference, but I dislike it to an extreme extent that the first usage (even if it's -san) puts me off and I'm in search of something else. My Japanese isn't bad - I've been learning for some years now, but hardly fluent - but I don't like seeing random Japanese thrown in fanfiction, just to show that the author knows how to use honorifics or random phrases or words. It's kind of rude as well, since not everyone know's Japanese and it gives me the impression that the author is an obnoxious otaku, considering that more often than not a translation is not provided and there is no real reason for the characters to start speaking Japanese, especially if they're spending the rest of the fic speaking in English. Also, from my stance as a writer, I'm an English person writing for an English audience - I'm writing in English, so if I wanted Japanese I'd have written the whole thing in it (if I could). I guess this could also be applied to fics that use other languages as well, but I mainly read Anime/Manga-based stuff so this is where my gripe stems from. OOC-ness - hate; Hate; HATE! Goes with sticking to the rules of the Universe, but what's the point in writing a fic where the characters are completely OOC? I'm a fan of Fruits Basket and am quite fond of the Tohru/Shigure pairing, but the number of fics out there that are badly written by bending the characters the way the author wants them to be, i.e. Tohru the saucy minx and Shigure the dirty, older man who likes to call her "My Flower..." *shudders* I've undertaken the task of writing my own, just to see how well I can pull it off...so far, it's quite heavy :/ Mary Sue/Marty Stu (OC's) - Writing a good OC is challenging, considering it's too easy to make them cardboard cut-outs that fall into the Mary Sue/Marty Stu category. I'll probably read it, but if it's not done well enough, I'll probably get bored of it real fast and maybe the first sign that a character goes OOC around the author's OC, I will look for something else...it's why I rarely write OC's, I can't be bothered with the hassle and it's more fun for me to explore the existing characters further. That said, I have like 4 fics in the works with OC's. One of them has been axed for various reasons - the OC being one of them - and the other three are okay, but I'm polishing them up as I go...well, one's a baby, so what's it going to do? Actually, it has made the father go OOC, but I have a 'legit' reason for it and it's temporary... Overpowered OC's - I've come across too many of these, especially during my DBZ-obsessed days. It's not fair, though it could be possible. In my mind, the creator of a series, while not outright saying it, implies that the main character is the powerful one, because he'll always find a way to triumph. However, because it's not outright stated as fact, it does leave the possibility open that there could be a more powerful character out there, either evil or good, but rather than writing about them, the creator writes about this particular character...though somehow, they still manage to save the world and never encounter this possible stronger character. It's a tricky thing, since Overpowered OC's work for some, but they don't really work for me...even though, I have been guilty of this, but the fic that dealt with it will never see the light of day (again). If I were to revisit it, I'll probably put it under heavy re-evaluation and change a lot of things about it. I suppose the above makes me sound "elitist" and I should perhaps lighten up, since fanfiction is largely written for fun...but I think that a lot of people are just taking the *proverbial* nowadays. It's like "Ooh! Other people are doing it, so I'll do it too!" and proceed to sit in front of the computer, tapping out some half-assed, poorly thought out fic and call it a day. If it's their first fic, they always seem to write a spiel at the top along the lines of... "Hi, this is my first fic, so be kind okay? I've never written anything before, but harsh comments will make me sad and if you want to see me write some more, so please be nice...I'm sorry if the grammar's really bad, but I just HAD to get this out and like I said, it's my first time writing something so I'm not too good at it...Anyway, thanks for reading! Cookies all around!" That doesn't give you an automatic free-pass. Granted, over the years, I may have been guilty of similar things, but I was a saddo back then and given the chance, I would beat the crap out of myself. But then, had I not made those mistakes, I wouldn't be who I am now...I think the only one ones of my peeves I've been guilty of, are badly written OC's and handing out cyber-cookies...perhaps even highlighting my lack of knowledge on a series. Yeah, I did that once, but only to ask if my understanding of the characters were good since I didn't want them to go OOC - if they were, I'd have probably axed it or done further research to hit the right mark.

Thank you so much, Toku I forgot to mention...the Oban image I drew in 2007, but only finished late last year because I got lazy with the line-art - I underestimated how big A4 would turn out on the PC...I only managed to finish it recently because my brother taught me how to use the Pen Tool, but I still prefer the Graphics Tablet look, also...I notice there are some gaps in the colouring... Anyway, I came across some old doodles I did while working the tills at my last place of work...yeah, I had that much time on my hands, and then some. I was actually looking for the one of the demonic-looking dude (who's an obvious homage to Gargoyles) just to double-check his name - Sayel - for a story I've been working on and off for the past few years, and figured that I may as well stick up the entire set. Most of them are random scribbles (three of which look frighteningly similar, despite having different names each time - yes, I name ALL of my pictures...) and a few of them are based on my own characters from various ideas I've entertained over the years...plus I think there's like two pieces of fanart...I thought about redrawing some of them because of the mess I made using biro/gel pens...but meh. EDIT: They were all drawn on receipt paper...

XD I've been twice; both times to Tokyo, though Osaka was on my list of places to hit next...but really, I think I may visit the southern region next time Have a great trip!

Sinister Incubus...like this? When I first encountered that monster in SMT: Lucifer's Call, my brother's eyes bugged out and I had no idea why...he then awkwardly explained... I should rewatch Gargoyles, as I'm sure I missed a few episodes and then there was the movie that only came out on video that I never got to watch...*puts on "to hunt down" list* Regarding my Lucifer-based story...I can't believe this...again! I've come up with some excellent story material/inspiration again! It's not to do with tying the story together, but it's an important plot point as it covers how the War in Heaven started...it's weird because I never had these shots of inspiration when I discussed the story with my ex-friend :/ She was really keen on the story; even bounced a few ideas which I'm not sure about keeping anymore as they contradict too much, considering I've never been sure as to the direction I want to take it in...perhaps I'll draw up some kind of sheet with possible scenarios/goals and put them up for feedback at some point...seriously, I'm supposed to be helping you here...[emote=simple]heh[/emote] About religion, as a kid I never gave it much thought. I did as was expected of me, so I only did good things because it was expected and didn't do bad things because that was expected - makes me sound like a drone, and sometimes I feel like one :/ It's not like I was forced into it, I just never had an interest nor a reason not to attend the Sunday Schools. I learned our prayers; read our Holy Book and took part in the activities like competitions and presentations. I eventually stopped going due to personal reasons, but during that time away I came to see the other side of my religion and while I think it was a good way to develop my morals, I sure as heck do not believe it's a way to live one's life. That and apparently, everything I'm into "goes against my religion" in some way, according to my religious peers at school... With this further information on Xan, I wonder how Kyle would try to interact...because like now that he knows almost everything about him, Xan would most likely behave around him like he does with the others...I'm free to ponder, but I'll wait for the third chapter

So...did some further reading into Succubi/Incubi and apparently, Incubi don't care who they go after, though when they prey upon women it's usually to impregnate them :/ I guess the team could readily reveal Xan's situation...it just depends on how much they respect his privacy, since ultimately, even if Damien has an "honesty policy", it's still Xan's business...I forgot to mention how when he was first introduced, I imagined he looked a little like David Xanatos from Gargoyles; I loved that show. As for being religious, I'm not really into practicing my religion, but I believe there is a "God"/Higher Power, but I think my semi-religious upbringing has given me an inner fear of offending the Man Upstairs. But I think I may start another WIP topic and discuss the ideas the or something...maybe *shrugs*

Go with that - redo Chapter 2 after the final part is done; or more like do your fleshing out of the chapters - though not at the same time - then we'd be in a better position to give feedback With describing the scenery, you don't have to make the car park sound like a palace, but with Kyle as your chosen guide I get that he wouldn't pay much attention to the world; it seems like as you've put it, everything's kind of a hazy blur because he doesn't show any interest in anything unless it involves him directly, or it's so out of the ordinary he can't not notice it. But, yes, you could embellish a little on the descriptions by putting Kyle-isms on it, if you get what I mean? Regarding Xan, I guess I misunderstood his reaction, it sounded like he snapped out that remark about telling Kyle everything...what with the others going into it, the way Xan said it made it seem like he was a little touchy about his heritage; I mean, he does his job really well, the last thing he needs is the new guy treating him like a freak like most people would, considering he saved his behind. It's not like he was going to hide it, but perhaps reveal it his own way-ish, but wasn't comfortable with how it was suddenly being spoken about since they also know nothing about Kyle...that was the impression I got...it just seemed aggressive, but then yeah, I have to keep reminding myself it's a sneak peek at something better As for his parentage, the thought struck me, and you may have thought of this already, but...did his mother mistake his father for a full Human? Or can Succubi/Incubi feed off of Half-Bloods, or just certain ones? Also, I thought their Glamour's only worked on the intended target, which in the case of Succubi/Incubi is only members of the opposite gender, unless perhaps...Xan is an extremely special case like they keep saying? I guess it depends on the rules you've applied for your story, since a lot of people these days take liberties with mythology, and perhaps with the modern acceptance with what was once thought of sexual deviation - though, there's no reason for it to have been shunned in the first place, since it was a common practice before certain religions rose up...just saying... - but who's to say that Succubi/Incubi only had one intended target. After all, their existence was created by religious folks who wanted to explain away dreams of that nature, since they're the biggest prudes around. So yeah, go with it *shrugs* But still, did his mother mistake his father or something? Though asking that will force you to think about the nature of the demons and supernatural in this world... As an aside, having said the above reminds me of the idea I came up with for my Lucifer-based story, though because there are so many contradictions with it, I'm not sure how I'm going to write a good story. It was just this one scene that made me think of writing a story, and it involved God speaking through various people and trying to get Lucifer to return, explaining his nature to him. It sort of put God in a sinister light, but it also feels a bit presumptive of me to even consider what God may say...heck I feel like I'm going out of bounds just writing about Angels, and yet so many people have done it! Anyway, the world wasn't deeply rooted in mythology in that there is no Hell, but Lucifer and his army were cast out of Heaven for their treachery and banished to Earth. Each year a Fallen Angel dies, taking with them an entire reality and their name is seared into Lucifer's being and is visible in natural Sunlight - due to his affinity with the Sun/Morning Star - and their deaths act like a countdown of sorts until the End of the World, which is the day of Lucifer's death unless he repents.

It's fine - the best part about writing for me is when 'I'm in the zone' and the words just flow out naturally; no holds barred and it's like you're channeling something. I've done some of my best chapters like that and even finished one that was in the works for a long time, but hasn't been posted because despite our temporary truce, the person I was writing it with hasn't put it up...I loved that chapter as well, and it just feels like a waste of my effort... Anyway, sorry for side-tracking - as for writing from Kyle's perspective, you did a great job. It feels more personal that way and, for me at least, is a great way to tell a story, or to keep characters in the personality you choose. I can only imagine what the story would have been like had it been told from the "Tall Man"'s perspective. I should warn you though - I'm the worst person when it comes to giving critique, only because I'm a chronic nitpicker and I tend to ask a lot of questions to help flesh out the story. This could, in some cases, lead to intense dislike and quite often head-butting...at the risk of that, however... Right with the second chapter out, I feel I can offer a bit more in terms of feedback; I can't offer much regarding your writing; as I mentioned, I like it, but it could stand to have a little more scenario description. I'm not suggesting Tolkien-level of detail - that was my early style of writing, and I eventually lost interest in my FFVII fic because of the effort - but doing so may offer more opportunity to explore Kyle and the other characters. One example is you haven't made it clear as to how the car-park is laid out, i.e. how many floors; whether it's adjacent to another building like a hotel; what part of town it's in... Also, the writing could benefit from breaking up long speeches, by perhaps throwing in small actions...for example, in Chapter 2: You could have it flow and seem more interesting to read by saying something along the lines of: "How?" Kyle asked, then hastily elaborated as his mind caught up, "I mean, does that mean that I'm some sort of..." he paused before saying the next part uneasily, "...monster?" "No," Damien chuckled lightly, "nothing like that," he assured, then continued in an effort to help the other understand his meaning, "Many people do manifest supernatural powers, but are still as human as the next person," he paused a moment to allow Kyle to absorb this information and gauge his reaction, before proceeding to elaborate, "These powers usually take the form of psychic gifts and lesser, unnoticeable abilities - even luck to an extent," --- I understand that these are first drafts and you may have fleshed these out further anyway, so perhaps my example above is redundant, in which case I apologise for jumping the gun there, hehe. Actually, thinking about it, I'm not sure what your plans would have been when you get around to fleshing it out - as you said, these are first drafts, so in all fairness you may have added to it in the way I'm suggesting I was going to suggest, that perhaps the information on Xan could be held off for a while - I know, it's the chapter to introduce the characters in, but perhaps it could benefit by shrouding him in mystery for a while? I mean, we know what he is - well the class of it - and even though it's been explained excellently, I like to entertain the idea of perhaps Kyle getting on the wrong side of Xan for a while. After all, the guy's aloof - how do you approach an aloof person you momentarily felt the hots for? Also, pacing...it adds to pacing and you don't want to feel like you're revealing too much all at once, simply because you want to get into the meaty bit that bit faster - it is possible to mix meat with substance, well...food for thought...I'm starting to get hungry, but I just ate about 4 hours ago :/ Then there's variety in speech. You mainly use 'Said' it's the most common word used, but there's a whole range to choose from (as I discovered over the years) to suit the tone of what you're looking for. It also adds variety, and removes from the whole "He said; She said" thing, but again...you may have changed these during your fleshing out... I'm not sure if there's anything else I can add, since as mentioned these are first drafts and I'm not too sure how you would have approached it when going over it again...

Thanks so much The first two, Zidane and Setzer, were challenge pieces and I decided to take part like two weeks before the deadline, so in essence they were rushed and the best I could do at the time. I might consider re-doing them...but not right now, hehe... Just for interests sake, the challenges were Dissidia-related and in Setzer's case was to draw another FF character as close to the Nomurano (Nomura/Amano hybrid of the game) style as possible and imagine what they'd look like, while facing the direction of their alignment, and in Zidane's was to redesign a character on the roster as you would have preferred them to look or in an alternate costume - I chose to do him as I would prefer him to look, since I hate that he's the only deformed character in the game (Kuja looks quite normal, though he should be 'life-size' too) when he was designed to normal proportions like every other character. One of the things I was looking forward to in that game was playing a 'life-size' Zidane... Toku, may I ask...in your gallery you uploaded multiple thumbnails using the Lightbox effect...how did you do that? Edit: I just realised, the comic page has my real name on it; not that it matters

I've done a lot of drawing over the years; most of them are crap...but I think I'm steadily getting better? I'll put up anything I can think of, from art pieces to perhaps comic pages Here are some recent pieces: Zidane Tribal - Final Fantasy IX | Setzer Gabbiani - Final Fantasy VI | Molly/Jordan - Oban Star Racers SSF4 Comic - Who Are You? I know, there's a lot of stuff wrong with them...especially Zidane's flat head, compared to Setzer's massive hair and weird body...the SSF4 Comic pokes fun at the following ad: http://www.dcm.co.uk/get-inspired/case-study/capcom-super-street-fighter-4 I caught it while watching Iron Man 2, and just had to take my jab

Dude, I suck at shading...royally. I've tried so many different techniques, that eventually I may just perfect my ability in using the Burn Tool, or steal someone else's colour palettes... That is a very good drawing of Blackfire by the way, any particular reason for choosing her as your model? She doesn't exactly have a winning personality XD

Nice

I only ever had one Chris in my class, but we had like four different Emma's... I came across the short stories I wrote in my attempted revival for my personal website (which is down now, since I suck at maintaining it...) Only two of the three stories will be used in the comic, but I feel compelled to place them here as they are part of the 'Work in Progress' Also, they're old so some elements of the writing aren't part of my style anymore, hehe... http://www.mediafire.com/?v7w8lpo7b9na5yw The first short was an introduction for them to my website, and I cringe now that I read it...it's not bad, but I don't write like that anymore...and it depicts who I was back then *glares at self* EDIT: I forgot to mention, after having spoken to you about it and while you didn't outright suggest anything, I got better ideas as to how I want Page 4/5 to look...I wasn't completely happy with them :/

Thanks for taking a look It's quite embarrassing really, the only other person who's seen this is my brother and the only thing he said was "You know...if this becomes popular, you better be prepared for all the Yaoi this is going to spawn..." I never know how pages and panels are going to turn out, I mean I start with a clear idea but then, sometimes, I end up redrawing the same scene a number of times, until it's acceptable. I just noticed, seems like PhotoBucket took down page 5...there wasn't anything wrong with it...apart from Max pinning Chris in a very suggestive manner - the guy spares no effort in his pranks As for the names, I have considered changing them, but then it wouldn't be them you know? I would have probably freaked if you said your surname was Thompson as well - honestly, at that age, I was not creative with names! Though, I've come up with a reason for Max's surname - his dad comes from a well-off family, only he didn't want that life and fell in with a hippy crowd or something, and as an act of rebellion changed his surname to something weird. I didn't mention this, but Max's parents are weird as they believe that having long names leads to success or something, thus Max has 6 and his sister has 8 - they believe girls need that extra push. I went over my story outlines - I have close to 60 different scenarios to write and tie together - I realised how much of a challenge this is going to be, since it takes me out of my comfort zone with it's level of maturity. A lot of what I've written is based on my personal experience, some with a twist, and it could be said that each character carries some facet of my personality - either displayed or repressed - and so it helps me deal with a lot of issues. It's very personal in that regard, so it adds to the pressure of treating it as best as possible...

Having referenced this comic in one of my blogposts, I've decided to upload the pages that I have done. Much to my frustration, I drew the first page 3-4 years ago and the rest last year. I was on such a roll, until I hit 'art block'. I'm really annoyed at myself for leaving it so long, but this is one of my most treasured stories and I want it to be given the proper care it deserves...unfortunately this leads me to doubt my ability at every point, and its easier to let it gather dust - I'm a far better writer and I'm thinking that I might just write out all the scenarios I want, get them into an order I'm happy with and then tackle this...I just hope I don't take too long... | | | | | | | I completely forgot that I had a PhotoBucket account...luckily I tried logging in before signing up for a new one XD Anyway, the script that goes with those pages is the following: 000 ‘As I lay there, face-down in a puddle, surrounded by trash…all I could think about…was why it had to be him…of all the people in this wretched place…why…?’ 001 Set 7 months after 000; alarm clock going off. Chris reaches up and switches it off, going back to sleep and not wondering who set it. An arm wraps about his waist and he places his hand over it, pulling it in closer. A little while goes by when his eyes snap open and he realises that there should be no-one else in his bed. He turns and Max is there sleeping; he makes a displeased noise and huddles closer. Chris freezes in shock, before launching out of his bed. Chris: What the hell are you doing in my bed?! Max (groggy): Mh? M’trying to sleep… Chris: Answer the question! Max: Don’t tell me you don’t remember (catches Chris’ expression) It was quite…beautiful, you were so powerful and firm, but very attentive and sensitive. You made sure that it wasn’t all about your needs, but mine as well…if you’re having trouble remembering, I could jog your memory…(smirks) Of course not you idiot! I snuck in to wake you up, which was a good choice seeing as you ignored the alarm clock. Chris: Wha...You set the alarm? Why? Max: Because you have an interview at 10am. I’ve timed it so that even if you leave at 8.30am at the latest, you’ll still make it on time. Chris: Interview? I don’t- Max: Of course you wouldn’t remember, I set it up for you (pulls on his shirt) Come on, it’s been 7 months; time for you to stop freeloading. Chris: It’s not like I haven’t been applying… Max: I know, but humour me; I went through all this trouble, if you’re not even going to try, then I guess you’ll have to pay your way some other way (suggestive smile) Now then, I’ll get breakfast ready, you go tart yourself up. Chris: What makes you think- Max: I’ll have you pay your way some other way. To anyone who goes through reading this, thank you and please any criticism is welcome. Let me give some background into the story - this is a drama/slice of life comic the main characters of which are Christopher Thompson (27) and Maximillian Nemberson (24) (please, no judging on the surnames XD) I created these guys when I was 15 and built my own lame DBZ fansite; the original purpose of these characters were to act as hosts for Celebrity Deathmatch-style Fantasy Battles...it didn't last long. Some years ago, I did a revamp of my personal site and decided to revive these characters and since then their world has continued to grow...so much so, that I don't think I can even keep up! Before you ask based on the sample pages, no, they're not gay for each other - Max just likes to tease Chris that way because the latter is a prude. They don't really hate each other, more like Chris can't stand Max because of the way he is - womaniser/man-whore; extremely laid back...the polar opposite of Chris, who is responsible; respectful and could be considered to hold onto what 'kids these days' call 'old man values' like courtship and believing in 'The One'...though he's hardly pure...he's had at most one girlfriend in his life and it didn't work out. It's because of this that Max enjoys winding Chris up, but after certain events, Chris ends up living with Max and the two sort of start figuring each other out and start developing further as people. There's a whole bunch of supporting cast characters that have their own drama to pull the focus away from these two. Also, looking at these pages, I may decide to redraw some of them because it looks like for some too much is going on. I'm aware that the style of my drawing changes horrendously, but these were the rough bases - excuse the print on the paper; it's my attempt at reusing/recycling - and I'd touch up and fix all the errors when working on them in Photoshop.

You're right, I got a little too carried away! Sorry Kenji! Please, ignore my post, the one that came after Ryuki's suggestion... (I'll put a note in it)

Hehe, see even I don't have it completely down and I've been trying to learn the language/study the culture for some years I suppose the only exception to that is among peers in the same class, where the age difference is anything from a few days to months? Though, why is it seen as disrespect? I was under the impression that with -chan being more cutesy and associated with girls and small children, -kun would be acceptable due its more 'hard' sound? Though now that I think about it, I have noticed that younger people do not use -kun with elders - it's either -Senpai or -san. For my personal use, I would use -san because of my degree of politeness...and -kun if I was allowed to. I don't think English is quite as simple as that. Yes, with Japanese it's easier to spot the varying levels of formality, but English is a hard language to learn - so I hear - possibly because of the range of ways of saying something. Thing is, there's so many different types of slang/rough ways of saying something...such as: Formal: May I ask where you are going? Polite: Where are you going? Casual: Where are you off to?/Where are you headed? Slang/Rough: (I have no idea what would go here, since I hardly use slang terms and it always changes depending on the demographic/influence, however here is one way with many responses and is based on context) S'up bruv? (to which the response may be) Nuttin' man, just off to the shops, innit. (I don't think anyone still uses that, but my use of slang is outdated) As with anywhere, it all depends on who you're talking to/your associated peers. Hindi, on the other hand, is a bit more complex since one could assume it to be a rude language due to its directness, though there are ways to sound less gruff...it's just a bit longer to get your point across. Sorry for side-tracking.

EDIT: Kenji, this is where it gets confusing, so if you're happy with the explanations thus far, skip this I foolishly got caught up in my own questions about honorifics/suffixes [emote=simple]heh[/emote] -- Ah yeah, I forgot to cover hierarchy as well [emote=simple]sweatdrop[/emote]. Though really, I think that does get complicated. Nicknames are simple enough - shortened down version of names or something to signify affection among your peers or family, but remembering the right honorific/suffix is a bit tricky if you're not familiar with the rules and clear about the relationship you want to depict. I remember reading something somewhere that it was close to impossible to give accurate understandings of relationships based on honorifics/suffix alone as more often than not, the rules will be thrown out of the window for various reasons - some as mundane as facilitating 'cuteness'. I think the example involved a title where the characters used so many different ways to say "Big Brother" - I can't remember it, but examples included words like Onii-chama; Ani-chan and more...but the person translating and writing that article found it frustrating to decipher each word to mean "Big Brother" This is why, when writing fanfiction based on Anime/Manga I refuse to throw in Japanese. It's complicated and presumptive to think someone who's not familiar will understand meanings and relationships. Also, I'm an English person writing for an English audience. Sorry for going off topic, but that I suppose is one way that Japanese Culture gets complicated for those unfamiliar with it's mannerisms. That's an interesting intepretation...I'm not sure if it's a sign of immaturity, but -chan and -kun are on a similar level, though -kun is considered more boyish, and with an older brother it may make him feel a bit more 'mature'. If he was referred to as -san than that's a bit too formal, as it borders close on idolasation with -sama being full-on brother complex from the younger brother's perspective. That's how I've always seen it... >.> But your suggestion of emulating an existing desired relationship is the best way to go.

I hope you don't mind me writing this, but I would just like to share an observation I have made and do correct me on anything I may have wrong... Japanese Culture may have its differences, but I really think that the basic fundamentals are the same as all cultures, so you really shouldn't over-think it as something completely foreign and outside one's concept - especially if you're from the West. Using the practice of nicknaming, the rules are the same in all cultures - it is used as a term/sign of endearment based on familiarity or close relationship, or perhaps a way of exerting one's dominance. -Chan is a very common nickname/suffix associated with girls or young children, and most likely within the family depending on the rules/upbringing/image they have decided for their family. As children, boys don't mind being called -chan by family members or other older acquaintances, but as they grow older they most likely want to grow out of it and will exert their masculinity by wanting a more 'manly' nickname/suffix like -kun (which is also unisex) or simply by their first name, or a more masculine variant, e.g. Hiromu may wish to be called simply Hiro/Hiro-kun/Hiromu-kun. It's like in Western cultures if a guy thinks his name is too geeky like Sebastian, he may instead wish to be called Seb or Bastian. Taking the relationship between Shinya and Takaya, since they're brothers I think the relationship depends on what the family has dictated, as well as their personal feelings for each other. Naturally, since they've given each other nicknames/suffixes like that, family members would obviously think they were close, though with Shinya using Ta-kun it gives me the impression that he looks up to his brother somewhat, since -kun is more of a 'big boys' nickname/suffix in comparison to the one's Takaya uses - Shin-chan/Shinya-sune - which suggests Takaya dotes on his brother, unless he's using them maliciously as way of pointing out that Shinya is still a baby and Shinya can't pick up on that malicious intent. This brings me to the point of using nicknames as a way of exerting one's dominance - it's more noticeable in competitive workplaces or gangs, I think...well those are the situations I've seen it more commonly used. It could also be used when an adversary wants to psych out his opponent, by suggesting that they are weak as children - especially when using -chan - or if it's someone they've known since childhood, to rub salt in the wound of their former relationship. As Durendal said, the choice of nickname/suffix is indicative of the level of respect between two people, but also their level of intimacy. A girl is used to being called -chan by people she knows, but if someone she didn't know - not necessarily in the same school - came along and used it, she'd probably have a poor impression of them. It's like in the West, a person called Nathan may prefer being called thus on a professional level, but is okay with Nate or Twinkie (because he loves Twinkies) with people he knows...if someone he's never met comes along and uses it, perhaps even the latter, without his approval, he may be a little offended unless he's the really easy-going type. I hope this makes some sense, and please correct me if I have anything wrong...

Two songs I also love and felt like sharing: My DSMBR - Linkin Park ft Kelli Ali: Reanimation and Fire - Dead by Sunrise: Out of Ashes