Yuki's blog

[*Jess♥]

my grandparents.

they live 12 miles away and difficult for me to get there.

my grandma is not well and my grandpa is struggling. I wish i could be there for them.

[¬./Anonymous¬]

• Why is collaboration important? What experiences have you had that have proved otherwise?

[*Jess♥]

different people have different strengths and weaknesses. it is important to recognise that.

 

although at times this can be counter productive when the skills of others are sullied by their laziness.

[¬./Anonymous¬]

Okay. So, the game is officially over. I'm dropping the act. I'm leaving the forum for good. Everything was an act on my part. A bit of fun. Yes, I am an ass. Couldn't message you. But its time for me to take my leave. Hope you had as much fun as I did. This is probably the nicest message I've left behind. Yet, it'll probably just get deleted. Anyways, its a message to you my dear.

[*Jess♥]

Would it be too personal to post a brief amount of detail to how things went on this blog..?

 

actually, I went on a date with a guy.

It turns out he was the son of a chief from an African country.,

He was a true gentleman, he held doors for me, he pulled out my chair and he gave me lots of compliments. we went to a restaurant and talked for a long time. it was an interesting experience to say the least. I did not feel drawn to him though. I didn't feel any kind of attraction. of course I gave him a kiss on the cheek to say thank you. I don't think this means a wasted effort. we're not going to like everyone but at least I've made a first step.

[H222G981]

Would it be too personal to post a brief amount of detail to how things went on this blog..?

 

actually, I went on a date with a guy.

It turns out he was the son of a chief from an African country.,

He was a true gentleman, he held doors for me, he pulled out my chair and he gave me lots of compliments. we went to a restaurant and talked for a long time. it was an interesting experience to say the least. I did not feel drawn to him though. I didn't feel any kind of attraction. of course I gave him a kiss on the cheek to say thank you. I don't think this means a wasted effort. we're not going to like everyone but at least I've made a first step.

 

I'm glad it went well. Not everyone clicks right away.You know.I remember telling you this story months ago, but I absolutely hated my wife when we first met. Literally. 

[*Jess♥]

So I went on another date, and that pretty much bombed too.
well he was a nice guy too, but I just was not attracted to him.

anyway something weird happened about a week ago. out of the blue, I suddenly started finding random guys attractive. not sure how it happened. so I guess I was missing something important.
something that has appeared now. Anyway, I met a guy online a few days ago and I talked to him for a long while. I think I really like him. He has really nice deep blue eyes. he is stocky and he is no nonsense. he made me laugh a lot too and also laughed at a lot of my jokes. So I'm really looking forward to meeting him in person.
 

I don't know how things are going to go of course. It's been really tiring using online dating. I think if it doesn't work out with this guy, I'm going to go and try and pick up girls in person.
I think I look alright now so I feel confident enough to do that. I found out about a gay night in a local pub so I should be able to find some nice girls there.

 

the end of this month, I'm looking at moving house. I have some people who want to swap with me. well last time i spoke to them they said they wanted to. so it won't be long now. then I'll be close to the doctors, close to my friends and family, close to town and the supermarkets. just so much better for everything.

I'll be able to start coming off my anxiety medicine too. that should help clear my head and help me focus on everyday tasks.

[H222G981]

Its good that you're getting out and meeting people.

 

Its fun to share or exchange stories about day to day relationships. 

 

I found a lot of women attractive before meeting my wife. It took me a while to like her mentally as well as emotionally although I found her to very attractive, it took me a while to get used to her. The problem was I had hard time trusting people in the past, not just that but I didn't know if she had what I was looking for as far as mind and personality.

 

With other women, it may have been that physical attraction that I had towards them.

 

But I found that in some women that their mind,personality, and attitude was a major turn off.Perhaps I wanted someone who cared about me just as much as I cared about them. I wanted that connection. The connection comes when you feel that you're really in sync with that other person and that is how you will truly know. It'll hit you so hard that you will feel for them emotionally. You will trust and love that person more than anyone. Its hard to explain. But thats the feeling a lot of people described to me. I see what they meant.

 

Some times things didn't work for me. it was due to many things such as beliefs and life style. It was just complicated for me. I wanted some one that I could relate to. Don't get me wrong, they were nice. But not for me. Some times it was mutual and when I thought things were going well. Some times the person I really liked and had an emotional attachment left me. 

 

I think in my honest opinion. I think you're searching. Some times searching takes a while and I think its good that you don't jump, or move fast on things. You're very patient and considerate of people. That is a good quality to have. You have a good eye for things and I think you're looking for something that really attracts you. You just haven't found it yet.

 

I think its good that you're trying with this guy that you're seeing. But if things don't work out and he's not the person you're searching for. Than that is how it is. Plenty of fish out there. I think you're a great person and I think you deserve the very best. 

 

You have a good heart and I think the right person for you will come along, when you least expect it. It seems things have a habit of doing that and  things have a funny way of working out. But hang in there and eventually you will find that person. With some time, you should find the person you're searching for.

 

Or better yet, they may just find you. 

 

Just keep your fingers crossed and keep that grin up. Best of luck to the both of you.    

Edited March 8, 2015 by Jupiter Knight

[*Jess♥]

Thanks for the pep talk

 

I knew I genuinely liked him when I actually gave a crap about whether or not he messaged me back.

I also cared about his well-being.

[*Jess♥]

been thinking about guys I have had close relationships with.

I hadn't realised it at the time but I cared about them quite a bit.

I think it's easy for me to develop some kind of feelings for guys. it's weird and complicated.

If a guy seems interested in me personally, wants to talk to me and get to know me, I guess I respond to that just like any girl would.

 

my medication is pretty awesome.

[H222G981]

been thinking about guys I have had close relationships with.

I hadn't realised it at the time but I cared about them quite a bit.

I think it's easy for me to develop some kind of feelings for guys. it's weird and complicated.

If a guy seems interested in me personally, wants to talk to me and get to know me, I guess I respond to that just like any girl would.

 

my medication is pretty awesome.

I've had the same lingering feelings for women in my past.Some of those girls I hate because they emotionally humiliated me and broke up on bad terms, others I wanted to be friends with because it didn't work out, yet friendship didn't work and we just passed one another in life, went out separate ways. It happens, and I guess its just a way of life.

 

Do you ever think about your very first relationship? And I don't mean the PG rated middle school dating kind.

 

The whole first teenage love to teenage heart break? I've often thought about the first girl I ever got with and how it changed me. You wouldn't think it, but it really does change you. 

[*Jess♥]

my first serious love is now my second best friend. she has kids and is getting married to a great guy. I've known her for about 20 years now so we have a long history of trust and friendship.

[H222G981]

You've been gone forever..........where are you? 

[*Jess♥]

moving house. 

 

got a lot of stuff to sort out and all that.

should be in my new place on thursday... if all goes well.

[H222G981]

I'm glad to hear that you're well. Best of luck with your move.

[*Jess♥]

Thanks. I'm finally online. damn that was horrible. i hate being without internet. it is BAD.

I still have so much crap to sort out but at least I'm here.

judging from past moves, it'll take me some time before I feel comfortable enough to start unpacking boxes etc.

first priority was finding a stable wifi signal. now I can order my own home broadband.

but it's really cold. I need to get the gas connected. I have zero heating.

It's horrible moving, but I have a feeling I'm going to be happy.

[H222G981]

Thanks. I'm finally online. damn that was horrible. i hate being without internet. it is BAD.

I still have so much crap to sort out but at least I'm here.

judging from past moves, it'll take me some time before I feel comfortable enough to start unpacking boxes etc.

first priority was finding a stable wifi signal. now I can order my own home broadband.

but it's really cold. I need to get the gas connected. I have zero heating.

It's horrible moving, but I have a feeling I'm going to be happy.

 

I was never fond of moving. Well, there was a few times I was happy to move. Anyways, how are you like it so far?

[*Jess♥]

still adapting.
I'm finding it hard to talk about positive stuff until I feel more comfortable. logically I could say it is better for x, y reasons.... but I think I need to be able to write those things with more enthusiasm and positivity.

[H222G981]

still adapting.

I'm finding it hard to talk about positive stuff until I feel more comfortable. logically I could say it is better for x, y reasons.... but I think I need to be able to write those things with more enthusiasm and positivity.

 

I understand. It took me a lot of time to adapt to an old house out in the country where I lived. 2 years I think. Than it became like home and I didn't feel myself moving from that place..honestly. 

[*Chernaudi]

Hi Jess.

 

I wanted to check on you to see how you're doing in the light of what's been going on.  Sad that some prick wanted to play "big man on campus" and try and destroy this forum and community.

 

I also wanted to know how things have been going in your life and if there's anything that you'd like to talk about.  I hope that you can reply soon

[*Jess♥]

Thanks Chernaudi, that's very sweet.

 

I'm still in the same home, dealing with noisy neighbours, and in fact this is the inspiration behind the game I'm currently working on. I'm hoping that if I can finish this game soon and start selling it, I can get a decent amount of money. I hope to get enough money to move home.

that would relieve a lot of stress.
I also plan on giving a gift to all the members here if the game is really successful.

 

in other business, my medical treatment is going well.
I'll include a recent photo of myself.


 

I've been trying out looking for a relationship again. I learnt a lot last time and so keeping away the weirdo's and creeps. I have a few dates lined up and hoping it'll go well.
I'm also attending a night class to learn Welsh properly.  I should speak my mother tongue.

[Shin Mefilas]

Hmm your not bad looking and you have a nice personality I wish you all the best.  Let us know when that game is available. 

[*Jess♥]

Thank you!

yes I will let you know when it is done.

[*Chernaudi]

You certainly don't look bad by any means  

 

I might PM you at some point and ask about some stuff with how things have been coming along with you.

 

Good to see that you've been doing well aside from the bullshit with someone trying to shut down JL.

[Guyver1]

It's all a hard balancing act. Life. ... I have a full time job, the comic book art as my 2nd job, 2 kids... the list goes on an on. All you can do is your best each day. The things we all want most in life come via an uphill battle. Most htings that matter take time to accomplish. Kudos, Jess for being able to stay on top of it all. Being an adult sucks, but you're doing a great job in my opinion.