Mmhh... I suck in constructive criticism -.-
I read both Dual Life Reflection and this one. I like your style too much, especially how you describe battles(reading about battles in a fict usually bores me, especially if the author is a man). POVs are well made, you slip into characters' minds very well.
I can't tell anything about grammar for obvious reasons.
But... why does it end like that??! >< it's so harsh!