outlets for discussion and safety online

[*Jess♥]

something that has been on my mind recently.

 

I wonder about how people can be very lonely in life but might not be able to find a safe place to express themselves.

We all know there are predators online. we might think a particular website is safe and has lots of nice people, but then one of those members might not be what they appear to be.

I had a recent issue when on an online dating site.

I met a beautiful girl and she was capturing my heart big time. she was saying all the right things and I was really enjoying talking to her... until all of a sudden I realised, 'she' could be a fat old man. I panicked. I suddenly realised the only way I could be sure was if I spoke to her on skype. but of course, my mistrust made things really awkward and what could have been something special, crashed and burned.

I really hate that it turned out that way, but of course, if it had been a fat old man... well it still could be, I never did find out. although I doubt a fat old man could talk to me in such a way. Anyway we have to be careful. people are not always what they seem. internet is not safe. streets are not safe. how do we find an outlet where we can express our feelings and be safe?

 

What do you think?

[Aether]

ah that sucks that it fell through... but you have to question that if they didn't want to clarify they were who they said they were,  then why not?? even if it was just 10 seconds on skype to say '' hi I am real ''... I don't think that is unreasonable in this day in age... 

 

if they were genuine surely they would have understood your view and wanted to protect there own interests aswelll?  I don't know how those things work  so im not much use here

 

as for the rest of it I really don't know either!

 

the only place you will be 100% safe is with trusted people you know in your community, other than that there is no certainty and its all a leap of faith... I will say that the internet can be safe and the streets can be safe - you just have to pick the right sites and the right streets!

 

in real life people are also not what they may seem but you can sometimes get a vibe from those people, which of course you cant readily get over the net...

 

on the net i'd say obviously you can express yourself here!!! but for other ventures just be careful and experiment with sites - someone out there will be of the same mind as yourself and you wont seem overly cautious to them, and in real life maybe try and meet people who are into the same things as you in a safe environment - like at some kind of classes you might take, etc.?...

 

probably useless and obvious but that's just my 2 pennys worth...

[durendal]

Some fat old man has some feelings too you know?  Although pretending to be a cute girl is kinda sick.  There are ways to go about this without being too insulting.  Like Aether said, there's a more subtle way of confirming the identify on the other end.  You just have to be smooth about it.

 

The internet is a convenient way to express yourself but remain anonymous.  In a way, it's the outlet to express how one feels inside without the backlash of society.

 

As for me, I don't trust the internet.  Sure, we have a few laughs.  But if we are talking serious, there is a need for me to see you face to face.  I happen to be good at reading people, I just can't do it online.

 

Oh yeah, and stalkers.  That's a scary thought.  It's the reason I don't have an online presence on any social media.  Google my name and results show zero.

[*Jess♥]

yeah fat old men do have feelings for sure and I might be happy to talk with a fat old man if he was honest and if he was respectful.

 

but I also see the point that it could be somebody living out a deep desire to be treated like a woman, somebody who was cursed with the body of a man and looks in the mirror and sees this disgusting thing looking back at them... so they need to try and find some way to be the real them. damn, got me all upset now...

 

hey I wasn't posting this for any kind of personal advice though, I was just using that as an example of potential danger!

although I appreciate your words Aether (definitely appreciate it) I am more interested in your thoughts on the general aspects of this issue.

 

like, there are these online games, that youngsters go on and it turned out there were sexual predators on there. scary stuff!

[Aether]

well lets face it  the net is like  a weapon or anything else it has potential for good or bad, its how one uses it...and that comes down to the fact we are all different  - if we were all saints it wouldn't even be an issue

 

unfortunately despite its good aspects for learning , sharing media and in a social way (facebook n all that jazz that I don't use) there is the mind numbing crap that absorbs people and then theres copious amounts of 'normal' porn and then the real darkside of the predators

 

apart from the (sort of) annonimity its really no different to the real world - its like durendal said you can only really read people in real life - and even then not always accurately...

 

only way is to police it better I suppose, but that's easier said than done...things like these sick bastards stalking kids on online gaming is a bit more difficult, but why they cant set something up to instantly detect and identify these people using the vile criminal porn is beyond me.

 

once again im not the best to discuss this with as I don't really have any online presence anyway! ive expressed myself and so now I will shut up

[durendal]

Well, there is one philosophy everyone should live by when using the net.  Anything you say can and will be used against you.  Online makes a lot of things easy, which is why it also makes it easier to do bad stuff.  And the way I see it, anything bad that happens to anyone online are usually the result of their own actions.  Take the celebrity photo leak for example.  Why would you want to store compromising pictures of yourself online?  People has to remember that storing your information on the cloud is like placing it on a computer someplace else, where somebody else would be able to have access to it.  

 

One thing any person should remember that the internet should not be ruling their lives.  Back in the days, we don't have internet to waste our lives away.  Heck, we don't even have cell phones.  We communicate via good old telephone.  And playing usually means going outside with a friend and doing stuffs together.

[*Jess♥]

I agree with that message.

I do use facebook a lot, but all my posts are set so that only my friends can see them, and I do not add anyone as a friend unless I know full well who they are and if I can trust them.

I just put my name into google and there was nothing really linked to me. I put my name and my hometown in, and not really much. just a review I wrote of a local business.

 

it's true you need to be careful. a lot of places I go, I don't use a username that is linked to other places. It's better to not leave a trail. And while I do allow microsoft cloud to sync my photos with my computer, I am careful what I take photos of.

[*guyverfan]

 until all of a sudden I realised, 'she' could be a fat old man.

 

thats wierd, i dont remember talking to anyone on any dating sites recently.hehehehe.

all joking aside though,

paranoia is a good thing, especially while online.

i personally think that blogging online about your daily routines is a bad thing, as it gives anyone who wants information about you a good source.

mentioning activities and troubled life experiences is fine, as long as there's no mention of specific locations and times of your coming and goings.

i'm a male (with trust issues) and a law abiding citizen, so the only thing that worries me online is identity theft.

(but hey, any good looking women out there that want to stalk me, just let me know  )

 

i'm more fearful for young women who seem to blog anything and everything about themselves and their life on socialmedia sites/forums. i mean, do these people live in a bubble or something? you know the ones, with 10000+friends and likes, well, i guess i'll be reading about them in the paper one day!

then all of a sudden there's the freindly, curious questions on forum boards,directed directly or indirectly as a new thread. eg, what do you do?, what times you generally work?, how do you spend your weekends?, when and where do you do your shopping? do you frequent local bars in your area? times of the day you walk your pet?, whats your favourite resteraunt in your area? etc.

sounds alot like profiling to me! or am i just paranoid? answer these questions at your own free will.

 

as web media and the way we use it has evolved, so has thiefs and predators.

they nolonger need to sit in a car or telephone box down the road for a few months, watching your movements. they can do it sitting in a chair at home or an internet cafe.

 

my day to day friends and family are the only ones i feel safe sharing with, but not all and not everything.(did i mention i have trust issues)