that's very accurate Ryuki. It's one of the reasons why religion is still so prominent despite science constantly disproving or given alternate answers for our beliefs.
God is a mixed bag for me. I can't deny him, nor accept him. I have no faith in him, but I wish there was a God to have faith in. But ultimately, I have to at one time or another have faith in myself, or the People around me in order to support my purpose in life. Otherwise, I simply ignore that question and life life daily.
I've been having a huge religious crises since I was 12. I gave up believe in god as a kid and shortly disowned myself from the church. My family and friends thought I was nuts afterwords. Ironically my mom also ended up leaving the catholic church, but it was more due to her boyfriend. But that was bizarre and disturbing, it was a christian based religion, and it's common in Brazil, but it turned out to have many elements the church would consider pagan. I couldn't stand it after the first mass hallucinogenic religious grouping with the induced vomiting. She broke up with the boyfriend shortly after kicking me out of the house, and ended up later in a Brazilian evangelical church, which is actually pretty nice in comparison to my old experiences with organized religion.
Religion has has left me jarred, I don't pray, ever. Well there are some exceptions. I'm obligated by other's faiths to pray. I had a man who came into my job one day, he began to cry while I helped him out with his shopping. I tried to calm him, and reinforce his resolve to carry on despite loosing his brother. He asked me to pray. Though I don't believe in the concept of God, or at least the versions we have of "God" I prayed for him and his brother because he asked me to. I'd do the same for others, and I prayed for my family's pride an joy, my cousin Vania, despite my lack of faith... it felt obligatory and old habits die I guess.
You know, I ended up reading the entire bible when I was 8, I reread it many times over (though never memorized it). I did it on my own accord, I liked to read, didn't care for the teachings from catechism, in fact, I often found it all contradictory. Then I got into history, started researching... and got disturbed, puzzled, and curious about all these conflicting faiths, beliefs, and rules. Not just in the catholic church but all religions. Here are some examples I have.
Why is it that Muslims stone to death and look on with disdain for none Muslims, widows, and orphans? Muhammad was an orphan, his mother a widow, he related to these people. He originally had a pagan faith too. But he created a new one, set up charities for orphans and widows, and taught many things (some good, some bad in my opinion) Yet, People forget this, it becomes perversed to fit someone else's needs, or outright erased if not overwritten with other things. The Koran was written ages after his death, but it's treated as if he wrote it himself. I talked to a Muslim friend, who constantly attempted to convert me whilst I was in college. We both took history, but ended up talking more about religion. We exchanged notes in religion, and it he was shocked by some of the misconceptions he was taught about Christianity, and I was shocked by some of the things he mentioned. I had started to study a bit of the Koran years before, but never read the entire thing, but I knew when it was made, and I knew details about Muhammad he didn't know. Seems that his group believes Muhammad wrote the Koran, I told him Muhammad didn't know how to read, but was a great speaker. He then told me God gave him the power to write the Koran, that he learned to read and write through gods power. But then I pointed out that it's been recorded as well that the Koran was written much later, centuries later. Just like the bible was. We looked at me pretty shocked, but composed himself a bit and told me that sometimes even he has to disagree with some of the things taught in his group. I then told him about my findings of Jesus.
Jesus, it also misconceived. He had no beard, had no long hair according to his earliest representations. His date of birth is off by 8 years before the current official date by most estimates. He was born around march, but we celebrate his birthday around December. He wasn't born in a shed, nor a cave as some memorabilia scams claim, he was actually born in a hotel. He definitely wasn't white, had a huge nose, and olive tan. He was not crucified to a cross, Romans typically crucified People to tree's, not specially made cross's... if any one can recall what happened to Spartacus and his men, then you know exactly how they did their classifications.
So why was Jesus turned into a younger bearded Hippie? Well, he didn't look holy enough, that's why. In order to convert mass numbers of pagan Germanic and native peoples, they needed a figure that looked wise despite his age, and holy. A youthful young carpenter with great affection for others hardly strikes one as holy. SO they made him bearded, and in many cases associated him with pagan figures to win them over. They even did that to God. God was associated with god's like Endovelicus... which ironically ended up having many of that gods traits passed on to the Hebrew god to become the Christian God People are taught. God in hebrew literature could and would do horrible acts on others, and had great fury. He wasn't a totally benevolent god, unlike Endovelicus of the Lusitanian People (They had other gods to play the bad guy). Which reminds me, look at Lucifer, changed to a villain to suit this new incarnation of God. From most loyal and devoted follower, to Rebel all the sudden because we needed someone to take the blame!? How about the the birthday issue with Jesus? Okay, he was born around march, the Romans didn't want to give up their pagan holiday in December that involved sex and booze. What better way to avoid loosing it AND honor their new faith by having it on December to allow that booze and sex to go on. The Church wanted the Romans to covert, and this was a sacrifice to allow them to keep a holiday that was helping to keep them from being converted to Christianity. 8 year birth difference can be attributed to People who wrote about Jesus, and didn't do their research. I have no idea why the Shed story was invented... it was well known where they were, why, and how he was born. So it baffles me as to why it was changed to a Shed. The three wise men can be disputed, but can't be disproved, but the location Jesus's birth can be proven and disproved thanks to historical research.
Finally, we all know about the bible and dead sea scrolls. But did you know women used to be able to be priests at one time? Apparently, there was a power struggle in the early church as it was forming. Women were removed from power and allowed only a limited role. There aren't too man known reasons why, though it could of been pure sexism, or possibly a political move. But afterwords, women became second rate citizens, even under god.
How about popes? What about the church breaking into two churches (Roman catholic vs Orthodox)? Well lots of popes have come and gone, but many were actually removed from the list of popes even though they existed, one was possibly even a woman in secret. Others, are well known for their cruelty, example, one pope went around dumping another pope into the ocean out of hate, another pope came in and removed him, and cut off the finger that held the ring of Paul and cast him in a similar manner as revenge, only for the same to be done to him. The pope's office, for most of the duration of human history, had been bought off, and treated as a gigantic mob like Scientology scam. Just look at what happened to the Knights Templar, the most loyal branch of the church, and richest... done away by the greed of a king and the corruption of the pope.
Sorry if I wrote too much, but I can't help it. Makes me able to deal with my religious thinking and reflect on it better.