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Becoming a comic writer is pretty much my dream job, Maybe creating a pen and paper RPG system and series of books would also be up there... but its never seemed like something that was actualy possible. I may just manage to write some fiction books if I'm really lucky and have some help but my hopes of being a comic book legend are pretty much shattered. However I'm in the mood to write at the moment so I may give it a bash again for some practice.

On my travels I have picked up a workable amount of other languages. The usual, enough to get you around and ask for basic things, but when I was in china I pretty much HAD to learn mandarin. I could speak it pretty well and did so for a number of years, but I've not had any need for a good seven years now so alot is forgoten. I could pick it up quickly if I had too but its not something I could ever teach some one. Plus I could only speak it. I could read Pinyin but it took a while but at least it was phonetic. Reading Hanzi on the other hand I could only recognise a few characters.

I do think I've ajusted to my brain damage, but the problem is there is alot of learning that didn't go in. So I may not nessisarily be as dyslexic as I used to be but the holes in my edication and certain things that I didn't take in hamper my abilities.

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You should definitely give writing a go :) I used to carry an A4 pad with me in school solely for writing purposes (and doodling in the margins) I was buzzing with ideas back then for an epic novel series, that now seems quite naff, but it kept me entertained and busy. Now though, I write fanfiction while drafting outlines for some short stories and possible novels - with my Art teacher discouraging me at every turn, my English teach nurtured my written creativity.

Don't say that your dreams are shattered; I feel that there's always time. I fret and worry about my drawings looking crap - I want my comics to look their best - but then I remember that there are comics out there with far worse art than mine :lol: Maybe, if you don't feel you can make it as a hobbyist comic artist, perhaps you could become a legend in writing epic comics? But then, it may be better to start small...don't leap into the deep end, and wade your way in by as you perhaps planned to do - by writing short stories, even if they're unfinished scenarios. They could be about anything, start from anywhere, end wherever you choose - it's just an exercise to develop the tools of story-telling. Also, don't let your dyslexia put you off - if you want someone to proofread, there's your suggestion to Ryuki of asking a family member, or I'm happy to help...provided I have the time, hehe.

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Thanks for the encouragement. I think I should start making an effort to write more. If I can make myself do it a few hours every day off then I will get the writing bug back and be able to do more. My own expiriences have left me with a desire to revisit an old creation of mine. A supernatural based RPG I used to run a few years back. I always ment to redo it in a sort based from. I think I'll try that and spice it up a little.

I'll probubly post the first drafts in the fan creation section to see if I get any feedback.

I did not bad on this weeks "Ryuki Task". I was a little less tired when I tried it. I think the fact my pool was very empty is saying alot. I'd still do anything for my family and friends but I feel ever more increasingly alienated from them. Works been falling on days I'd normaly hang out with friends and I just sence them changing on me more and more evey time I see them. Family wise I unfortnatly only really see them once or twice a year. Usualy on christmas. I'm never really myself with them. Usualy I just bury everything that is wrong with me and be as nice as I can for a few days. I guess this is why I dont feel they know the actual me. Sort of stupid to expect them too be mind readers.

I suspect this is why the figure I met on the bridge was Fiona. She is the only person I feel I've let in compleatly and while I've felt unconditionaly loved by my family it not quite the same.

It was hard to get into it at first but once I got going it flowed easily. Personaly what I got from it is that I'm still not at the acceptiance stage of her loss.

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thanks for sharing :)

the figure on the other side of the bridge represents your subconscious or your soul.

the appearance of fiona is curious. does it mean that you have supplanted your soul with hers? or could it be that you two were so close that you became almost the same?

only you can answer that though.

well she can.

that's the point.

that's the point of the librarian too.

since you could not get into the library, the person in the forest is kind of like a level 'before' that.

the librarian is the holder of universal knowledge. the person in the forest is the holder of personal and spiritual knowledge.

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That makes sence. I'm pretty sure I forced it to be her. Its what I wanted the most, but there is also probubly some truth in me seeing her as my soul. I've always had some difficulty takling to people and telling them personal things, but with her it was so easy. As I said no one else ever made me feel loved anywhere near to what she gave me. I was her strength and she was my heart. Not that I didn't have feelings or compasion before her, I obviously did, but I suspect that I gave too much of myself away trying to be a hero all the time. Always jumping in to try and protect some one or standing up against anything I saw as an injustice took a tole and was crushing part of me. I feel she replaced that and made me whole again. She acepted every failing and fault and made me feel like a proper person. Its not something I ever got from my parents. I was always driven by them and never good enough, or they'd push me into doing something then regret it when I used it. I was always hearing about the mistakes they made with me. I know its their guilt but it made me feel like I was just a thing to be trained rather than a person with his own choices. I felt they gave themselves too much credit for my actions.

When asked to picture my soul all I see is a figure made of blue flame that is bursting out of control. When I was younger I used to see a rock. It started big and I'd squash it and squash it down to make it hard. Thinking this would somehow make me resiliant. But I think the flame is my emotions now that are no longer repressed, and I'm trying to release them without being consumed by them.

Even saying Fiona's name feels like she is living inside my chest. Its like when I used to hold her and wish there was some way I could take her into me and we'd be one.

I'll try it again and see who I meet on the bridge this time.

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Didn't get anywhere with the Astral travel this time. I usualy can do it if I'm a certain level of tired. I need to be physicaly and mentaly tired but not so much that I go to sleep too quickly. Just so that I feel heavy and my brain isn't running too many things at once.

With starting up my writing again I find that is what mainly occupies my quiet time. I used to get alot of planning and creating done when I have nothing else to distract me.

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My back feels really tight day like the muscles are being clamped together. I'm probubly just a bit tence. I miss having some one help me unwind after a hard week. Would kill for a back rub right know. My shoulders have always made an odd gravely noise when I roll them. I think its the tendens and muscles slipping over the bone. Odd as no one else I know seems to get it. Its not like cracking your knuckles. It sounds and feels diffrent. Not painful, just odd.

If I relax my mind it'll probubly help relax my body.

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GAH! that knott in my back is still there. One of the nurses I know is trying to specialise in physio. Perhaps I should ask her to experiment on me... might regret it though.

Been sleeping pretty stedily the past week, so no weird expiriences.

Feel tired. Its been a busy few shifts. Looking forward to some rest.

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Ah yes I am also cursed with "Magic hands" seriously every darn member of the family pesters me at some point during any get together.

I didn't used to mind at first but my wrists get sore fast. I damaged them to regularly when i was training. No matter how I try to strengthen them it dosn't seem to work. Too much punching the bag without proper protection.

Fiona always used to reciprocate and was about the only person who could do it well. No one else bothers, then they wonder why I try and avoid it.

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Crazy weather up here today. There is really strong winds blowing and lots of rain and hail stone showers. Its almost comming in horizontally the wind is that high. Makes one heck of a racket as it bounces of the windows.

Been managing to resist spending for a month or so. My "Spend money" has piled up. I've been thinking of upgrading my survival pack with the money. That would give me my perfect kit. Been looking forward to that for a long time. Hopefuly nothing else will distract me before my next pay check.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Beware of Ranting about to commence!

I don’t know how I do it but no matter where I go I always seem to butt heads with someone. I do my best to stick to myself and be peaceful but usually there is always someone who irritates me and I find it hard to vent that frustration.

There is a Doctor at work who is around the same age as me and try as I might I just cant keep him from getting under my skin. I find him highly pedantic. He has some weird need to try and show that he considers himself an intellectual in every conversation. It doesn’t matter if that is something as simple as ordering his lunch. He appears to love to flaunt his vocabulary. I understand perfectly what he is saying but it feels so needless. Like verbal posing.

He also tries to glorify his past accomplishments and brags constantly. The thing is people seem to lap it up. However I cant help but spot inconsistencies in the things he claims. Mainly my pet hate of over exaggerated martial skill. Now yes, many trainee doctors travel abroad to further their studies for a year. I don’t dispute that, but he is claiming that he trained in Beijing. Unbeknownst to him it’s the same time I was there, and I was friends with two of the medical students out there, who in turn knew virtually every other student. Now I’m not saying he wasn’t there, my friends never knew him, but its still possible for that to happen. Its that he claims that while he was out there he was taught Dim Mak.

Dim Freakin Mak. The Touch of Death. Something that is entirely based in myth. Of course he cant show anyone this. Not because its lethal. After all Chi flow manipulation can supposedly heal as well. No its because it’s a non certified technique. Those darn hospital laws are restraining him from healing people with a simple touch! (that is sarcasm btw) I swear this technique haunts me. This guy is about the firth person I’ve known that (fake) knows it.

I heard him rambling on about this in an attempt to impress some girls on the Christmas night out. I could easily have called him on it, and backed up my accusation, but I held my tongue thinking that surly people could see though his crap. They didn’t.

For this I will forever hate him… but that is not the end.

I cannot seem to stop myself from butting heads with this guy. I know it’s a thing that doctors develop god complexes and so on, but nearly everyone I’ve met or worked with has been down to earth and professional. This guy on the other hand completely disrespects me all the time. He actually ran to the head of staff when I snapped back at something he provoked. Then I was pulled up for unprofessional conduct. Jerkface was pulled up too but while I apologised he didn’t and I was told to just be the bigger man and suck it up by the head. I did but it still irritates me.

When I work the ambulance and bring someone in we always explain what is wrong with the patient. However if he is on he will interrupt what I am saying to ask me a question… which answer is the very thing he stopped me from telling him. He tries to talk over me ALL the time.

I get on great with virtually everyone but this one guy. At no point do I call him out on his lies or try to steal the limelight away from him. I’m pretty much a mystery to everyone at work and I like it that way. I just seriously don’t get what his problem is.

I do feel slightly better after that... but I will probubly still want to punch his face in every time I see him.

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In all honisty I think he is suffering from a massive inferiority complex. So he masks it with a superiority complex. Its perhaps that I dont try and flatter his ego that he feels he has an axe to grind with me. I think he is tricking himself into thinking he's winning without adressing why he feels the need to do so. He wan't too feel like the top dog but isn't sure why he dosn't feel like it.

Thing is that he's going about it wrong. Yes he is more educated than me. Do doubting that. I couldn't be a doctor if I tried. I am however always calm and collected even when irritated. I dont need to gather people to me socialy, but they still come. His problem is that socialy I'm more of the alpha male than he is but his ego cant understand that because professionaly I'm below him.

I think he's misjudged things by going too over board in trying to get people to see him as being great. I dont think he has reached a place where he can be happy with who he is. We all need improvment, but I feel more secure in my character than he does.

Unfortunatly while I'd like to get to know him better... I dont know how I would take him irritating me. He dosn't react well when I question him, and that running to tell on me thing was just ridiculus.

Hopefuly he'll just mellow on his own. I just hope I can resist the opertunity to humiliate him.

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