Humour thread

[durendal]

Christmas story

There was a man who worked for the Post Office, whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting, to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

He opened it and read:

Dear God,

I am a 93 year old widow, living on a very small pension.

Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100.00 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner.

Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.

Can you please help me?

Sincerely,

Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all of the other workers. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96.00, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all of the workers felt a warm glow for the kind thing they had done.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the old lady, to God. All of the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office.

Sincerely,

Edna

[durendal]

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would." But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable."

[durendal]

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other People to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

[durendal]

Still living at home, bored, and expecting to inherit a fortune when his sickly widower father died, Robert decided he needed a woman to keep him company.

So he went to a singles bar, and he searched until he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "Right now, I'm just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but within a month or two, my father will pass away and I'll inherit over 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Robert that night.

And four days later, she became his stepmother.

[durendal]

Anagrams:

Dormitory = Dirty Room

Evangelist = Evil's Agent

Desperation = A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code = Here Come Dots

Slot Machines = Cash Lots in 'em

Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler

Snooze Alarm = Alas! No More Z's

A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place

Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one

[durendal]

Little Paul watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, Paul followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Paul found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.

"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Paul, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Paul to tell his story. Paul started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

MORAL: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

[durendal]

George had been a compulsive worrier for years until he found a way to overcome this problem. His friends noticed the dramatic change.

"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."

"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week," George replied. "I haven't had a single problem since."

"A thousand a week?" said his friend. "How the hell are you going to pay him?"

"Fukc him. That's his problem."

[durendal]

A man is sitting at a diner counter when another guy takes the stool next to him. He notices that the guy has a long duffel bag and asks what's inside.

"Its my sniper rifle," he says. "I'm a professional hitman."

"No way!" says the first guy. "Mind if I take a look through the scope? I think I can see my house from here." The hitman nods and hands over his gun.

"This is amazing. I can see right into the window of my house," says the first guy. "There's my wife in the bedroom. And she's naked. Wait..... there's my neighbor!! Bastard!! How much do you charge for a hit?"

"Flat price," says the sniper. "One thousand dollars per shot."

"Well here's a check for two thousand," says the guy. " I want you to shoot both of them: my wife in the head and my neighbor in his dick. That should teach them."

The sniper takes the rifle, aims, then stands still for a few moments.

"You gonna shoot them or what?"

Give me a minute," says the hitman. "I think i can save you a thousand dollars."

[durendal]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked"

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. If it's really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in

astonishment, mouths agape.....

He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

[durendal]

The Lone Ranger Rides Again

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. "What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone."

The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse. For the last time . . . BRING POSSEEEE!!!!"

[durendal]

An 18 year old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2

months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a

pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a

Ferrari stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man

with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the

Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother and the girl, and tells them:

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't

marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.

I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her

life.

Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a

townhouse, a beach front villa and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy

is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank

account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly

on the man's shoulder and tells him, "Knock her up again."

[durendal]

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the breeding bull exhibit. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "See .He mated 50 times last year .... once-a-week."

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year."

The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's once-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this one."

The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."

1981 an Interesting Year

1. Prince Charles got married

2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe

3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.

4. Pope Died

2005 another Interesting Year

1. Prince Charles got married

2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe

3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament

4. Pope Died

In the future, if Prince Charles decides to remarry, someone should warn the Pope!!

[durendal]

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on TV. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their TV set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed. Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the TV, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch. Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead."

[durendal]

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour

I work at great depths

I plunge head first into everything I do

I do not get weekends off or public holidays

I work in a damp environment

I don't get paid overtime

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation

I work in high temperatures

My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight

You fall asleep on the job after brief work period

You do not always follow the orders of the management team

You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing

You'll retire well before reaching 65

You're unable to work double shifts

You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management

[durendal]

A mother had three daughters and, as circumstances would have it, they were all due to get married within the same month. Being the worrying mum that she was, she was concerned about how their sex lives would start and so made them all promise to send a postcard from their honeymoons with a few words on how marital sex felt.

Her eldest daughter sent a card from Hawaii two days after her wedding. The card simply said "Nescafe". The mum was confused at first but then went to the kitchen and got out a jar of the aforementioned coffee. It read "Good 'til the last drop!". The mum was a little embarrassed but was none the less pleased for her daughter.

A week later her second daughter sent her postcard from a private mountain cabin, and the card read "Benson & Hedges." Catching onto her daughters' subtlety, the mum raced for a packed of the ciggies and read "Extra long. King size". Again the mother blushed but was pleased for her daughter.

Time passed by and the mum worried after not hearing anything from her youngest daughter. Then, a month later, she received the important card. It read in shaky handwriting "British Airways". This was the most enigmatic card yet and the mum had trouble finding an appropriate ad. It said "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." The mum fainted!

[*Kenji Murakami]

There are two ways to construct a software design. Make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies; or make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.

UNIX: when you can't afford the very best.

A fail-safe circuit will destroy all other circuits.

Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

[durendal]

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:

"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.

The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?

The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?"

"No", he replies, "I just can't believe you got laid twice"!

[durendal]

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night." The next night he came home from work and yelled, "BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

When he yelled "BELL 2!", the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled "BELL 3!", they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!"

"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?

"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE."

[durendal]

The Meaning of Life.

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span"

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give

milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

[durendal]

Subject: Airplane Repair

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

[durendal]

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement, a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.

The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer, who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his up-stretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-officer, a grizzly an old Master chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my weenie to my testicles."

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Master Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical

officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Master Chief to "drop' em," which he did.

The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back.

My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

The old Master Chief calmly replied,........... "Vietnam"

[durendal]

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin". "What?" Said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it's going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was.. . God I miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"

"Good," said the husband, "but, why?"

"You're a Tax Man.... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"

Happy Tax time!

[durendal]

A first grade teacher was having discipline problems with a student named Harry.

"Harry, what seems to be your major problem with my class?"

He answered, "I'm just too smart to be in the first grade, and as a matter of fact I'm smarter than my sister who's in the third grade. So I think I should be in the third grade with her."

The teacher was so upset at his arrogance she took him down to the principal's office.

She sat him outside and went in to see the principal. Together they devised a plan they thought was sure to put this little know-it-all back in his place.

The principal told Harry he was going to give him a test, but if he failed to answer any of the questions correctly he would have to go back with his 1st grade teacher to her classroom, and be good from here on out.

Harry agreed to the terms as they were explained to him, and the test went something like this:

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal asked that he thought a third grader should know. He looked at Ms. Brooks and said, "I think Harry should be in the third grade."

But Ms. Brooks was not satisfied, and asked if she could ask some questions with the same conditions. Harry and the principal both agreed.

Ms. Brooks: "What does a cow have that I only have two of?"

Harry: "Legs."

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I don't have?"

The principal was a little surprised at this line of questioning.

Harry answered, "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: "What starts with a "c," ends with a "t" , is hairy , oval, delicious, and contains thin whitish fluid?

Harry: "Coconut."

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink but comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal started gasping for breath, and before he could direct Harry not to answer, Harry said, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down, and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shakes hands."

Ms. Brooks: "What starts with the letter 'f' and ends with the letter 'k' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

The principal started to tremble.

Harry: "Firetruck."

"That's enough!" said the principal. "Put Harry in the fifth grade! I got the last seven questions wrong."

[*Kenji Murakami]

How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four. One to change it, and three to complain that it's electric.

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to screw in the new bulb, and three to talk about how much they'll miss the old one.

How many beer makers does it take to change a light bulb? About one third less than for a regular bulb.

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but they have to do it while you're eating dinner.

How many help-desk employees does it take to change a light bulb? Hmmmm. The bulb works fine in my office.

How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb? You cannot change a light bulb. By nature, it will go out again.

[durendal]

Test for Dementia

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question.

To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this! Are you?

Third Question:

Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.

Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.

Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.

What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu?

NO! Of course not.

Her name is Mary. Read the question again

Okay, now the bonus round:

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.