durendal

A man called his attorney's office on Friday. "Hello," he said, "I want to talk to my lawyer."

"I'm sorry, sir," the receptionist told him, "but your attorney died suddenly yesterday."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the caller said, and he hung up.

Monday he called again. "I want to talk to my lawyer, please."

"Sir," the receptionist said, "you called Friday. I told you your attorney is dead. The funeral is today."

"Oh, I'm sorry." the caller said, and he hung up.

Tuesday he called again. "I want to talk to my lawyer."

"Sir, you called Friday, you called yesterday. Your attorney is dead and buried. Why do you keep calling him?"

"Oh, I just love to hear you say that."

The Gift

A young man thought of buying a gift for his

girlfriend. After such deliberation he finally

settled into buying a pair of gloves. He asked

his sister to accompany him to the ladies shop to

make his purchase. His sister bought 2 panties

for herself. The two packages were mixed up on

the counter so his sister got the gloves. The

young man sent the package to his sweetheart not

knowing the contents of the package were the 2

panties his sister bought for herself. Together

with the package came the note.

Dear Sweetheart,

This gift is to tell you that I am keeping in

touch for your birthday. I chose this gift to

replace the one I tore during our first date,

because since then you have not been in the habit

of wearing any when we go out on evenings.

If it had not been for my sister, I would have

bought the short one. The saleslady from whom I

bought them showed me the pair she was wearing.

She told me that she had been wearing them for

three consecutive weeks and it had not been

soiled at all. It was very soft to touch.

I asked the saleslady to wear it and it looked

very nice on her. I do not know your exact size

but I thought I am in a better position than any

one to guess since I hold yours most of the time.

They will naturally be a little deep to wear and

sometimes will have the tendency to smell, so

put a little talcum powder before you wear them.

Be sure to keep them off while cleaning for they

are liable to shrink. I hope you will accept them

with the thought that I gave them to you. Please

wear them on Friday evenings so I will always

have the pleasure of removing them.

Always,

Honey

P.S. I will look forward to kiss the front as

well as the back of them. The saleslady said that

the latest style is wearing them unbuttoned to

give the carefree look. If they are small, send

them back to me so I could stretch them by

putting them on mine. Don't forget to put my

favorite scent on. I love you....

Shortly after her wedding, the newlywed wife is complaining to her mother about her husband's insatiable sexual appetite.

"He wants to do it 15 times a day, anytime, anyplace, anywhere -- on the table, on the stairs, on the sofa, in the car, in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening. I can barely walk anymore!"

The mother advises her daughter to tell him that she has her period, which seems like a good idea.

So that evening, when the husband comes home from work, he proceeds to undress himself and his wife, when she stops him.

"I'm sorry sweetie, but it's that time of the month."

The husband gets up, looks at his wife, and says, "It's all good honey. I understand." He puts on a robe and walks away.

The wife is somewhat surprised at the mature reaction of her husband, until a few minutes later he returns holding two glasses and a bottle of champagne.

So she asks, "What's going on, dear?"

"We're celebrating!" he replies.

"Celebrating? What exactly are we celebrating?" she asks.

"Anal sex week!"

On the day of the wedding, Camilla was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realised she had forgotten to get any shoes.

Panic! Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Camilla for the day. Unfortunately they were a bit too small, and by the time the festivities were over her feet were agony.

When she and Charles withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off. The rest of the family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Charles say "God, that was tight."

"There," whispered the Queen. "I told you with a face like that she had to be a virgin!."

Then, to their surprise, they heard Charles say. "Right, now for the other one." Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Charles said: "My God, that was even tighter than the other one".

"That's my boy," said the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor!"

a couple that is married for 30 years celebrates its wedding day in the same hotelroom in which they spent their wedding night . The man is already in bed when his wife comes from the bathroom into the room and says : Darling what did you think 30 years ago when i entered this room?He answeres: Ii looked at you and thought i wanna suck your breasts out and **** your mind out She is already getting horny and says :what are you thinking today He says:when i look at you i guess i did a great job

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong e-mail address!!!

A couple from Ohio decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travels. So, the husband left Ohio and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages of condolence from friends and family. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date: 26 November 2004

Message: I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here!

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his

eyes and the first thing he sees are two aspirin next to a glass of orange

juice on the end table. AND, next to them a single red rose! Jack sees his

clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. He looks around the room

and sees that it is in perfect order and spotlessly clean. The rest of the

house is also in perfect order. He takes the aspirin and cringes when he

sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. He sees a

note on the bedside table: Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to

go shopping. Love you!

Jack stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough there is his breakfast and the

morning newspaper on the table. His daughter is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks his daughter "What happened last night?"

She replies, "well, you came home after 3A.M., drunk and out of your mind.

You broke some furniture, puked in the hall, and got that black eye when you

ran into the bedroom door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean. I have a rose and my

breakfast is waiting on the table for me?"

Daughter replies, "OH THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she

tried to take off your pants, you screamed "leave me alone lady, I'm

married!""

Broken Furniture - $185.26

Hot Breakfast - $5.90

Rose - $3.95

Two Aspirins - $ .38

Saying the right thing at the right time, PRICELESS!

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

This is a thread dedicated to share jokes. So when People need a laugh, they can always look at this thread. Anyway, let me begin by putting these here:

An accountant gets home late one night and his wife says "Where in the hell have you been?"

He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo".

"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates", he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain."Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow, two, once in awhile I like to play with my money, three, I like how money feels in my hand and lastly,instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!!!"

My mistake on the schedule then. But you are wrong about the title that they won't use the same title. Much like Code Gease, they added an R2 to the title, so I don't think Gundam OO will remain as Gundam OO, but will be renamed like Gundam OO + O, or something like that. Still, I will be doubtful of a second season without first watching how they did with Code Geas. People have tendencies making cash cows out of popular series.

Well for one thing, I did notice someone who looks similar to Graham with a full set of beard in the closing credits. Which might probably denote that Graham is still alive. And another thing, OO Gundam is most probably a rebuilt Exia. And O Gundam has already been shown in the first episode. So it's really a good question as to what they will call the next season. Gundam triple O? lolz. Until I see the second season of Code Geas, I'm still doubtful wether a second season scheme will live up to the first season. But then, it seems that they will be shown almost at the same time.

Well for one thing, I did notice someone who looks similar to Graham with a full set of beard in the closing credits. Which might probably denote that Graham is still alive. And another thing, OO Gundam is most probably a rebuilt Exia. And O Gundam has already been shown in the first episode. So it's really a good question as to what they will call the next season. Gundam triple O? lolz. Until I see the second season of Code Geas, I'm still doubtful wether a second season scheme will live up to the first season. But then, it seems that they will be shown almost at the same time.

Well, finally saw the last episode. They answered a few things but still left out a lot to keep you to crave for more. There are something shown on the last few minutes to look forward at the second season.

And I felt it was strange that they didn't show the titular Gundam in the series, and now it makes sense after the last episode. O Gundam being the first Gundam and OO Gundam being the first of the second generation. Ooh~ Guess we'll have to wait till August to find out what happens.

How about some of Yuko Hamano:

More Race Queen photos:

Here's some more nicely done cosplays:

THAT OVA SUCKED! It is not canon and the art style was an uncomfortable change. Also, Saito, Yahiko, and Aoshi had really good fights there, but they just disappeared for the OVA. Finally, the whole thing was a shitty flashback while Jo-chan and Kenshin were dying of Syphilis or something. It was clearly stated in the Anime and Manga that he had microscopic damage to his body, like jellyfish stings or shin splints or the Rasenshuriken or the Hachimon Tonkou (Naruto references). You can't spread physical injury as an STD! It was Leprosy you say? Why the hell would the world's greatest swordsmen of all People just die of Leprosy with no mention of sickness beforehand? It's the stupid, cliche plot twist possible!

I have to agree there. The best part of the Jinchuu arc are the fights of the supporting casts. That showed how Yahiko managed to get strong to fight alongside Kenshin. The second OVA was sickening, but the first OVA was sad. I guess they just tried to milk more money from the popularity of Kenshin from the first OVA that they released. Probably the reason for the same art style. Though not a death of a character, it's saddening how this series died.

Well, I have seen those you have mentioned except for Samurai 7. And I really can't say that I was saddened about their death, (well except Lockon since he's one of my favorites), because it's either I can see it coming or I couldn't care less about that character.

For me, what was really saddening was Fushigi Yuugi. Here they have all the build up of the 7 guardians and you get to see them drop like flies one by one near the end of the series. I mean, they create a story and you have already grown to them. And they're gonna kill them off just like that.

Another one would be in G Gundam. 2 death's there that really saddened me. One is the death of the lead characters brother Kyouji. And the second one is the death of Master Asia.

And also may not be related to Anime, but I was really saddened by the death of Captain America. His death was even covered by almost every major news network in the world.

Wow, that's really a good way to discourage this thread. But I shall persevere. I will post more pics of beautiful women that are real. How about some Chisato Morishita:

Chisato-chan~~

No spam today. Again good luck typesetting.

VDF-063

Page 132

Bioboost Cell

The composition cell of the Bioboost Armor

Bioboost Creature

A greedy instinct for consuming, a creature having tough lifeforce

Bioboost Armor

Originally what the advent People calls their space man generic preparation equipment. Controlling the bioboost creature with the Control metal, and "wears" them, and seems to be able to adapt, and may be seen something like a space suit. In the case of humans bioboosting, multiplies it's original abilities by a hundred fold.

Bioboost Armor Disassembly Enzyme

Guyver II Lisker, with the data of the remains of the inspector, Cronos scientist were able to develop an enzyme that would disassemble a guyver.

Chest Particle Cannon

-> Megasmasher

Giant Bioboost

The Gigantic's other name

Giant Shadow

During the subjucation war, the shilhuoette of a giant creature during the battle in the Middle East. It's true identity is still a mystery. [tl note: obviously this is khan]

Strenght Amplification Type

the most popular among the types of Zoanoids. It's real power is its importance, there are no other added special abilities.

Cloud Gate

It is Cronos' regulatory bureau's office. It's height exceeds 400 meters with its two towers configuration as a super skyscraper.

Gravity Controller (gravity Control Orb)

The metal orb in the Guyver's abdomen. In the Gigantic's case there it is also provided in the cheast area, functions as the core of the beam during the firing of the Giga Smasher.

Gravity Blade (Gravity Attack)

The weapon of a Zoalord which controls gravity. Releases a super high density energy bullet when using the gravity orb in the hand's armor.

Gravity Point (Gravity Orb)

Energy Terminal provided in the whole body of the Zoalord that manifest itself during battle.

Gravity Launcher

A Pressure Cannon which is shot when both arms are together

Granza

A zoanoid in New York branch

Crystal Resonance Phenomenon

With an imitation Dummy Crystal, a resonance phenomenon occurs with the original Zoacrystal. Its influence can also be felt by the body.

Green Merusu

A Living Heat Cannon equipped type zoanoid in Arizona

Kurumegunik (lugnag Du)

One of the 12 holy commanders of Cronos. After the world subjugation control Abjar of Africa.

Gregole

A success in the comparatively early stages of processing. Its strenght is 15 times of a normal person.

Cronos

a secret organization where the 12 holy commanders convene. Getting the Know How from the Relic of the advent people, "evolves" humans into zoanoids on their own.

Gets

One of the Air troops zoanoids in cloud Gate.

Gelpes

Aside from zoaforming into it's battle form, it is capable of becoming into whatever kind of human. There is no other weapon.

High Frequency Sword

Extends from the forarm of the Guyver, resonating in high frequency, just like a super sonic cutter.

Advent People

aliens that came to earth during the ancient past. manipulating genetics, created the "humans" as living weapons. however, in the face of actual combat, why did they retreat from earth.

Gobilba

A special up version of Ramotith

Control Metal (control metal)

connected to the brain of the biobooster, can control the bioboost armor with that will.

SA SYLLABLE

Psycho Wave Generator

A Psychic Wave amplifier equipment which is located in the lowest cavern of Arizona base.

Re-processing

a reprocessing of a processed zoanoid. If successful, is above a normal processed but the chances of success are very low.

Sanagi

Guyver I who fused with the cells of the relic, a state which evolved into the giant bioboost. It functions as the maintenance pod of the Gignatic.

Thancrus

One of the hyper zoanoid team 5. Among the team 5, is the most nimble with "high speed battle type". Both arms resonate a detailed creases of aggression equipped with a high frequency "blade".

Jeffrey Vincent

One of the resistance "Zeus Thunderbolt" member.

Dead Sea Base

for the purpose of processing the Living Space Ship "Ark", created a giant processing tub out of the dead sea.

Shichishisu

Scout Zoanoid. Very nimble

Experimental

1) a general term to objects exposed to experimental processing

2) One of the experiments who failed processing. Stole the e units from the old Japan branch and died.

Shinebaito

A wild like zoanoid similar to a mollusk. Appeared in the novel.

Psychic Wave

a strong telepathy wave send out from the Zoa Crystal of a Zoalord. this is the way that the will of the zoanoids are controlled.

Giant Shutter

Cronos Arizona Base Elevator shaft interior which is a 5 storey giant barrier wall.

Shuttle Pod

A Living shuttle for the purpose of traveling between the "Ark" and the earth

Jabil Von Haiyan

One of the 12 holy commanders of Cronos. After the world subjugation controls Canberry of Australia.

Page 133

Zoaform

a state where a zoanoid transforms from human state into a battle form.

Juukadan

After the world subjugation Cronos Japan branch controls the masses delivering them an idol rock band

Beast Type Soldier [tl note: this is the literal translation of the kanji, and since this is mostly used, I translated this as "Zoanoid" in the other parts]

-> Zoanoid

Beast God General [tl note: again, same as above]

-> Zoalord

Beast God Change

A process when a Zoalord transforms into it's battle form.

12 holy commanders

an extension of Alchangel, the highest council of Cronos. It's member are all zoalords.

Bioboost

1) Wearing of the bioboost armor

2) the keyword of Agito when bioboosting

Biobooster

human who has bioboosted into Guyver. Fukamachi Shou, Oswlard A Lisker, Makishima Agito.

bioboost body

a general terms for the equipping state of the bioboost armor.

<Professor> Shirai

the one responsible for the lowest level of the "Relics Base" in Mount Minakami. Researched the Unit Remover with orders from guyot.

Silha Island

the Island where alchanfel slept for thousands of years. It is not indicated in the sea charts, it is isolated from the sea with 10 big whirlpool.

Shin Rubeo Amunikarusu

One of the 12 holy commanders of Cronos. In essence the Number 2, when Alchanfel is not present handles the affairs of the organization. After the world subjugation controls Washington in North America.

Spiral Crusher

A whirlpool of gravity that is released, at the center is on of the attack of a zoalord that pulverizes to small pieces.

Living Missle

Equipped in both shoulders of Gustar, a missle that is composed of liquid bomb. after shooting, the movements can be controlled by the brain waves.

Living Heat Wave Cannon

A living heat wave cannon equipped type weapon represented by Vamore. A strong heat wave shot via internal laser.

Living Dissolve glue

Adheres to an opponents living organization and hijacks them, Solumns Weapon.

Zeus

Makishima Agito = Guyver III calls himself, Cronos' child in greek mythology, and crushing him, and takes his seat for his own...namely divining as the most suitable post in the organization, schemes to overturn Cronos by rebellion.

Zeus Thunderbolt

name of the resistance of Makishima Agito in America

Segawa Tetsurou

brother of Mizuki. Shou concults him like a big brother.

Segawa Mizuki

The heroin of the book. Shou's childhood friend, there is no one else in her mind.

Zx-tole

Leader of the Hyper Zoanoid Team 5. has 14 beam doors in his whole body, has the highest "Living heat wave cannon"

Scout Zoanoid

a zoanoid with the very namesake of scouting. has low battle ability, abundant in agility, observation and hearing ability excels.

Zerbubus

A Hyper Zoanoid having the same super human strenght as gregole, a laser weapon comparable to vamores. It's 3 flexible horns on his head secrets a liquid solution.

Zerbubus Kai

Zerbebus which retreated from Guyver was reprocessed. appears in the novel.

0 Guyver

First human to bioboost

Zengurupu

the form of the zoanoid in Toronto who is responsible for the processing facility/

Battle Agent

Cronos' lowest battle members. All of them are zoanoids.

Zoa Crystal

Embedded in the forehead of the Zoalords, a mysterious crystal.

Zoanoid (Beast Type Soldier)

a process which warps the porcesses, and makes human able to zoaform. Especially the form after which they zoaform.

Zoalord (Beast God General)

the highest position of processing which leads the zoanoids. Contrls the zoanoids via the psychic wave, able to control all aspects of them.

Zoanoid Buster

Giant handgun which is wielded by Murakami. The barrel size is 2 times more thant a 44 magnum and can release 3 shots. Appeared in OVA Act 2.

Supreme commander

Old holy commander member, Guyot's post.

Sonic Buster

Weapon of Guyver. a resonating wave launched from the mouth section, resonating with the characteristics of the object in high frequency tuning, then pulverizes it.

somlum

A lost number where living Dissolve glue comes out of its mouth.

Lost species Experiment Bodies [tl note: again same case with kanji as zoanoid and zoalord]

-> Lost Numbers

Lost species experiment bodies troop

-> Lost Number Commando

Well, I don't know about Lockon doing a Mwu, but I have an inclination that Tiera would be doing a Char.

But I get the feeling that the last episode will be more on Setsuna. (Duh! as if it isn't already a give away:lol:)

There were already hints that the history of Geiseric is the origin of Skullknight, only his transition into becoming the Skullknight and his Rivalry with one of the Godhand has yet to be explained. We can also note the similarity of the relationships between Skullknight and the old Witch with Guts and the young Witch (sorry, their names are at the tip of my tongue).

I do wonder what would Griffith do next when he obtains his kingdom. As is seems with the current pace of the manga, that's not really far away. I'm also curio, us as to if Griffith still has the power of the Godhand since he was reborn. So far we have only seen unexplained miracles happening to Griffith. (like arrows not hitting him, etc.) Perhaps this is part and parcel of that power?

I don't think Griffith would have any "fighting form" since he was reborn as a human in Gut's unborn child. So technically, Griffith is a result of Guts X Caska X Griffith. *shudder* And his army is not only his weapons, remember he was also a member of Godhand.

As with Guts, there are hints that his future are somewhat similar to what has happened to Skullknight, and probably this time Guts has to struggle the same fight as the Skullknight only not making the mistake that he once did, if he ever did.

Lockon, Lockon...... Lockon, Lockon...... Lockon, Lockon.....

Man, that just sucks. And here I was hoping that won't happen. Guess this is one of those last minute changes they were talking about.

But wait, they didn't actually show it right? So there is still a chance.....

I find it odd that the Trial system not working on the GN-X. If that is not the case, why is Tiera so furious when he revealed the existence of Nadaleh to the opposing forces? Perhaps the Trial system is some sort of an enhance Minovsky Particle emitter that renders GN drives (or even other mobile suits) useless, something which is similar to an EMP, but without the after effects.

It seems that the first season will be coming to an end. I've read spoilers out there and things are pretty exciting. People are dying left and right, and will leave us hanging for more. I'm convinced that it's no rumor since it was posted way back in mid february and it's prediction for the episode that just came out a week ago were spot on. I hope Code Geas 2 comes out immediately after Gundam 00 ends.

I think that it would be related to the GN drives. As it seems that the GN drives are directly linked to Veda. But I'm wondering if the GN drives of the United Nations are linked to Veda as well.

Well, it is evident that Togashi's "sickness" started when he was doing Yuyu. The art sometimes looks like childrens scribbles. But you have to hand it to him, People gets hooked to the stories he tell. I just can't understand why a guy like him who is married to the author of Sailormoon and is currently the highest paid (correct me if I'm mistaken) mangaka, can't put out a consistent Manga on schedule. Well, forgive me as I know this is not a thread for Togashi but his works on Yuyu.

Anyway, I liked the fights of Hiei during the tournament. Especially how he resorted to using a "weak" technique of Kuwabara's. (Forgot the name of the guy he fought)