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Do you believe in divorce?


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What are your views on divorce?

 

My parents got a divorce because they couldn't get along.   My mother has been through 2 divorces.   I think it varies. But if you're both unhappy and can't stand one another. It's probably for the best. Life is short.

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I think it's fine.

 

People get married for all the wrong reasons sometimes, and after a while, things sour. There is no point staying with someone if you are (or both) miserable.

 

The negatives for divorce are numerous, sure. It can certainly affect children negatively in some cases, though in some also benefit.

 

The real outrage of it tends to come more from religious aspects, but I won't get into that. To me, a lawful union of two people under the law, is about as far as I go... And like anything, if it's not working out, you should be able to have a way out. It may not be cheap, or sometimes easy, but it has to be there.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think people like the idea of marriage more than anything. Long term relationships always have ups and downs, you can never experience the good without the bad. Some people are just not settlers or not capable of sustaining a long healthy relationship,I'm not say it's a bad thing,we are who we are.so the construct of marriage and what it is meant to represent doesn't suit everyone.

I don't think divorce is a bad thing, sometimes it's for the best. Divorce can give closure too, just as some need the binding of marriage as a comfort, the divorce is just what they need to start a new chapter.

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  • 4 years later...
On 12/23/2015 at 10:11 AM, Matt Bellamy said:

People get married for all the wrong reasons sometimes, and after a while, things sour. There is no point staying with someone if you are (or both) miserable.

 

Well. It happened. It was a long hard road. I got filed for divorce in November of 2019 and it was finalized in February of 2020. We both weren't happy. She came home and asked for a divorce and also because she was being unfaithful and was sleeping with someone else. So I moved out, stayed with my mother for a couple of weeks, rented another apartment, and filed for divorce and joint custody of the kids. Since then things have been good. It took me a while to get over her and what she did. 

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1 hour ago, Tora Tan said:

I'm glad you're in a better place

Thank you for your kinds words. I've just been kind of doing my own thing. I was dating for a little while and got with a woman who turned out to be far worse than my ex wife. I was with her for about 3 months before I couldn't tolerate her anymore.  So I left her. I dated a little more after that and haven't been able to find anyone that I like. So I've put dating and relationships on hiatus. I've kind of thrown myself into being a father and doing what makes me be happy. I've found that being codependent on a woman for happiness just isn't in the cards for me right now. 

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On 10/24/2020 at 2:54 AM, Jupiter said:

 

Well. It happened. It was a long hard road. I got filed for divorce in November of 2019 and it was finalized in February of 2020. We both weren't happy. She came home and asked for a divorce and also because she was being unfaithful and was sleeping with someone else. So I moved out, stayed with my mother for a couple of weeks, rented another apartment, and filed for divorce and joint custody of the kids. Since then things have been good. It took me a while to get over her and what she did. 

 

Wow, sorry to hear that.  It must have been very tough on you.  I hope you don't mind me asking some questions, you did post this on a public forum, so please pardon me in advance if you feel offended by my inquiries.  I noticed from the date of this topic started 5 years ago that you were having second thoughts on your relationship, and then made the final decision just last year.  This must have been a long arduous struggle for you to sort things out.  I'm sure you have tried everything in your disposal to try and save the relationship, but how did your kids take it?  Having experience the same thing when you were younger I'm sure you know how it feels.  

But at least you now feel happier, and that's what really counts.

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7 hours ago, durendal said:

 

Wow, sorry to hear that.  It must have been very tough on you.  I hope you don't mind me asking some questions, you did post this on a public forum, so please pardon me in advance if you feel offended by my inquiries. 

No. That's fine. I posted it because I wanted to share and that I value your opinions. I'm glad I can talk to someone about it. 

7 hours ago, durendal said:

 

 I noticed from the date of this topic started 5 years ago that you were having second thoughts on your relationship, and then made the final decision just last year.  This must have been a long arduous struggle for you to sort things out.  

It was. It seemed everyday we were fighting about something. I'd come home from work and she'd leave in the evening to go hang out with her friends and wouldn't come home until 2 in the morning. She took the only car we had, a 2014 Rav4. So I was getting rides to work. She went missing for 2 and half days. She finally showed up and asked for a divorce and said that she was seeing someone else. The living situation was miserable for a little while. Tried everything in my power to fix things. I argued with her and argued with her to stay with me. Nope, she was done all right. So I didn't want to live with her anymore after things got worse. She was seeing other people. I ended up moving back in with my parents for a month. I signed the lease over to my ex wife. My mother took me to see a lawyer and with a heavy heart I filed and my ex wife quickly signed the papers on the basis we have joint custody. We didn't have to fight over the RAV4 because she wrecked it. So that was relief. 

 

7 hours ago, durendal said:

 

 but how did your kids take it?  Having experience the same thing when you were younger I'm sure you know how it feels.  

The kids have taken better than I ever did.  At the moment I have them full time. Their mom lost her job and her truck that she was making payments on. She's floated from one house to the next sleeping on couch to couch. She ended up leaving town and disappearing for a little while. But recently she's moved in with her mother. I'm surprised because the kids chose to live with me over her and I think it's because of her always having people over that they weren't comfortable with being around and it didn't make them feel safe. 

Edited by Jupiter
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From what you just related, I came to a conclusion that the kids are better off with you.  But that's going to be a lot of work on your part as it's not easy raising kids alone.  But it is good to hear that the kids are taking it well.  But how are you going to juggle raising kids and working?  Are they old enough to take care of themselves?  It would be easier if your mother is willing to help you raise them, as I'm sure grandparents have this tendency to spoil their grandkids.  I'm surprised that you didn't get sole custody with the way your ex-wife is living.  Could the recent events happening to her be an after effect of you leaving her?

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6 hours ago, durendal said:

But how are you going to juggle raising kids and working?  

During the day they go to school and then my mother watches them. 

 

6 hours ago, durendal said:

Are they old enough to take care of themselves?  

They're 8 and 10 years old. They have some skills when it comes to being independent. But not old enough to be left home alone. 

 

6 hours ago, durendal said:

 It would be easier if your mother is willing to help you raise them, as I'm sure grandparents have this tendency to spoil their grandkids.  

My mom has been helping on and off. My sister needs more help than me. She left her son's father shortly after she found out she was pregnant and he's had no involvement since. She has a son who is 3 and toddlers are extremely demanding. So that's where a lot of my mothers attention is going. 

 

6 hours ago, durendal said:

 I'm surprised that you didn't get sole custody with the way your ex-wife is living.  

I've thought about it. But my parents and her parents say there's no point in taking her back to court and getting full custody. She's not involved enough and it'd be costly. 

 

6 hours ago, durendal said:

 Could the recent events happening to her be an after effect of you leaving her?

She left me for a man who was 12 years younger than me. I'd just turned 34 and here she is sleeping with a 21 year old boy from Arkansas. She continued to see him for 4 months and they were on and off.  She said she wanted a divorce, but never filed for one.  I was tired of her seeing other men. I dedicated a month to trying to fix the marriage. I thought I had it fixed but she was seeing that guy the entire time. It was a last ditch effort and it didn't work because she didn't want it to work. 

Her sister, who has been diagnosed with several mental problems, would come by her apartment and harass me. My ex wife put her up to it. So they ran me off and I moved out. Her family, my in-laws, were on board immediately to see me gone from the marriage. They never supported it. Her mom and her sister boycotted the wedding and were pretty open about it for 11 years. 

I  stayed with my mother for a month before moving into another apartment. After I settled into my new apartment.  I ended up filing for a divorce because she wouldn't file. My parents told me that they'd had enough and that they were sick of the way she was treating me. My step father said that I'd been pissed on enough and that it was time for a divorce. So I went and saw my parents lawyer and paid him for the divorce. In other words I filed. 

It took her a month to sign the papers. At first she wouldn't. She kept saying that it wasn't good enough, even though I took notes and tried to make things fair for her, and she wouldn't go grab a lawyer. So finally I said one thing that made her sign it real quick. I said "This is what you wanted. Did you forget or are you wanting to stay married to me?" and just like that she signed. It took 3 months for the divorce to finalize.  Pretty much it was 40 miles of bad road. The experience was grueling, tense, frustrating, and very heart breaking. 

 

 

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Oh man!  You really got the short end of the stick there.  But at least you have 2 wonderful kids and a fresh start.  Despite the difficult path you took, could you say that you are finally free?  But do be careful, since you don't want your kids to grow up resenting their mother.  Despite what your ex-wife have done, she is still their mother.  It may be a challenging time for her right now, but once she gets her act sorted, she might want to rekindle her relationship with her children in the future.  Redemption usually starts from one's self.  So it really would depend on her if she will pick herself up and move forward.  But I am worried since you mentioned that her sister has been diagnosed with mental disorder.  Could your ex-wife also be in the same case?  She might need professional help.  Immaturity might not be the sole reason why she ended up like that.  

 

Well, please do let me know if this is getting uncomfortable, as it seems that I'm asking too many questions, and I do respect your privacy.

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14 hours ago, durendal said:

 Could your ex-wife also be in the same case? 

I do believe she had a mental melt down. She now has a delusions of grandeur. She's always talking about getting this magical jobs that's gonna pay her a lot of money. She doesn't keep them. She goes in and works for people for a little while and then quits or gets fired and makes up a story about how she lost the job. 

When I married her. I always wanted to make her happy. I tried very hard and boy was she a hard woman to please. Not all the money in the world can make her happy. 

I'm just not sure when it occurred. I just know sometime after we moved back from Florida, she snapped and hasn't been right since. I often wonder if the events of Hurricane Michael played a role in her melt down. She didn't want to come back to Missouri at the time. Her mother and brother were living there. Our home got beat up in the storm. The owner didn't have hurricane insurance on it.  I lost my job soon after and so did my ex wife.  Financially I felt no choice but to move back.

Her mom wanted her to stay and was saying that we should separate and divorce and just have me move to Missouri. So we moved back. I took up working for my family again. Got an apartment. She talked about moving back to Florida for a time. But I told her that I wouldn't be going back if she decided she wanted to go. It was just too much money. Her mother ended up moving into a nice new house 2 hours away from where we lived. Her brother still lives in Florida, he can't get a better job than what he already has. He makes 26 dollars an hour working for a company on a military base. His step father, who is retired air force, got him that job.

So a year after Florida and after I bought her that weight loss surgery in Mexico because she wanted to lose more weight.

She snapped like I said. Comes home and asks for a divorce not 2 months later after her recovery and of course. She and her sister get together and start hanging out like they're best friends. In fact she goes to stay with her for a little while. He's an illegal from Mexico. Her sister is promiscuous and cheats on her boyfriend habitually. He believes every lie she's ever told him because he feels he can't do any better. You can't tell him anything or tell him that his girlfriend is unfaithful. Because he's narrow minded. She's a sociopath and I blame her partially for encouraging my ex wife having wanted a divorce. I'm not going to give her all of the credit. But she did play a steep role in it aside from boycotting the wedding. The funny part is. After running me off and the divorce being finalized. Her sister up and moved out of state. Her sister finally achieved running me off and convincing my wife that I was this psychotic a-hole that she didn't need in her life. 

Her family turns on her like they always have. Her mom won't help her, her sister and her are fighting again. The one person that was there for her for 13 years, she's betrayed. She's no longer able to be there for her kids because she's so unstable that she is incapable of keeping a job or taking care of herself. 

I told her mom. I said if she don't want to take care of someone and deal with their problems, don't get involved in a marriage and break it up. Because now, YOU have to take care of her. She's YOUR problem now.

Her whole family wanted me gone. They got their wish. But now they don't want to take care of her. They're all selfish, invasive, and just care about how they feel.  I'm glad to be rid of them. 

Edited by Jupiter
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Wow!  That's really a lot of anger you're holding there.  I don't blame you, especially from what you've gone through.  It's really hard to please everybody, and once you do, you'll end up miserable.  It's good that you have let go of the negative influences in your life and you can now start focusing on the positive.  

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