ErutanXiku Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 (edited) Not sure if non-Tokusatsu/Sentai/Guyver fics are allowed, but I felt like sharing and all the talk going on in the "Pet Fanfic Hates" thread got me itching. Especially the line I threw in about using words artfully. Excuse the title, it's not the most creative of titles, but it wandered in and stuck since it's in reference to a line Shigure threw. The following is a taster from one of the later chapters, and while it could hardly be considered an "artful" example, it's the best that I could do and is probably one of my favourite bits of writing... -- Shigure wasn’t sure what had awoken him, after all dawn had barely broken past the threshold of the horizon. The first thing he had become aware of, before he had opened his eyes, was the scent of Tohru’s hair – the gentle flavours enticing him to sleep on among their field forever. They had somehow managed to sleep without bumping into each other, despite how close their bodies were. He shifted a little, so as to watch her better, and the sight of her sleeping took his breath away. She looked so peaceful and content, ‘How is it that I didn’t notice the first time…?’ he wondered, casting his mind back to that first night when he had accidentally transformed. He remembered that he had woken up first then too, though rather than being moved by the sight before him, he had been filled with disgust and self-loathing at what he had almost done to her, ‘What has changed now…that when I look upon you…’ He traced her features, wishing to burn this moment into his memory - the arch and graceful sweep of her brow; the flush of her eyelashes; the dart of her pert nose; the flow of her irresistibly soft and full lips - all framed in delicate porcelain skin that wrapped about the gentle outline that defined her features. As he looked upon her, he knew he was simply admiring her like one does with art, ‘Or am I…?’ At that moment, as though she had felt him studying her or perhaps sensed that his thoughts were flickering into regions he would rather avoid, Tohru’s eyes fluttered open slowly. She drew in a breath, her eyes blinking a few times before casting up to meet his and presented him with a smile so bright it rivalled the Sun; a smile so bright and blissful it humbled him, ‘Surely I can’t be worthy of that…’ -- Yeah...that's as much as I'm going to share. You can leave your impressions, I don't mind, but I know that it'll probably make more sense if anyone's familiar with Fruits Basket. Or maybe not, since it's just drama. I haven't officially published the fic, since I haven't finished writing it...and the first chapter doesn't really satisfy me very much, thus it's under constant scrutiny. Also, these days, I'd like to make a bit more headway with a fic before publishing anything. Just know, that there will be two endings to this; a True Ending and a Good Ending, since I couldn't decide which to settle on...yeah, I took a leaf out of Type-Moon's book. Edited March 17, 2011 by ErutanXiku Quote
Oberon Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Shigure and Tohru.... - not really my type of thing since it's pretty obvious she wasn't meant to end up with him. I guess... with some animes/manga's I made the assumption about who X and Y should end up with and therefore fics that don't have them together just seem wrong. ... Quote
ErutanXiku Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 (edited) Yeah I know, it's more of a fantasy pairing, a "What If" on had she fallen for him instead. During the course of the Manga, I was a supporter of Yuki/Tohru, but I'm fine with the canon pairing. I was just re-reading the Manga and the idea just struck me, and it refused to leave so since the pairing couldn't be satisfied by other people's work, I decided to take a stab at it myself. Don't worry, I'm not going ruin it by making it all seem easy. It's tied heavily with the events in the Manga, just with a different spin on things, so that's my challenge - making it appear plausible, as an alternate take. Edited March 17, 2011 by ErutanXiku Quote
Oberon Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 LOL that's evil, I think you may have made me have to go find the manga again. Anywy something more ... constructive I guess. Your writing is always good, even in posts and I know you take the time to check spelling and grammar and that sort of thing. But... while this scene was meant to be fluffy... It seemed to contain a bit too much sugar syrup. Though maybe that's because I don't know what went before. Quote
ErutanXiku Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 You're right, it does seem to suggest an impending diabetic attack! I'll see what I can do for toning it down, but it wasn't the best place to snip from. I chose it as an example of how words could be used artfully, though I'm not saying it's the perfect example. It was an experiment to see if putting something a certain way could help convey certain feelings better...plus I like to play with ways to describe a persons appearance. I'm happy to trawl through and find another snippet, possibly darker or one that contains more variety in what's going on. As for it being "Evil"...you do mean me re-writing Fruits Basket to make it Shigure/Tohru? Yeah, it's what happens...I'm even more evil in my Guyver WIP. There were just so many innuendo's between Shigure and Tohru, that I just had to wonder...how would it have gone if she was into him? Most of the Shigure/Tohru fics I come across have no viable basis - at least, I haven't come across any that do. Granted, mine probably has even less basis, but I'm trying to make it work. Sometimes falling for someone isn't just based on feelings developed over getting to know them, it could just take one look and then your mind goes somewhere that it can't come back from :/ As I said, it's tied heavily to the Manga so a lot of scenes will remain the same, just the reactions or motives for them would be different Quote
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