Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
river_chaos

Guyver fanfic in progress

Recommended Posts

Well, no one on deviantArt will comment on it, so here's the original prolouge I had in mind for my Guyver fanfi: http://fav.me/d2vl6ev

I would like to hear some feedback on it, please! DO NOT BE AFRAID OF HURTING MY FEELINGS!!! Go all out if you want!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know it's small and I'm trying to put chapter one together. I'm currently stuck as to where to start the chapter.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're interested in a guyver fanfic, talk to Toku Warrior, he and I are in a I are making a big guyver fanfic and if you had some ideas see what he thinks and he might be able to help you out.

As for your fanfic idea, its shows a bit of promise but I get the feeling like its a drama in an action based world. The story seems like it would revolve around Rhia adjusting to her new life with archenphel however this seems conflicting since Chronos is always on attack from enemies creating an action environment. Also, would you be trying to make archenphel a big player in this fanfic idea? I say if you want to make this fanfic interesting, you'd need to keep guyver's continuity. You'd have to take into account Archenphels hibernation schedule and that would make making him an active member of Rhia's life a very big challenge.

I'd say maybe making her Imakarum's or Archenphel's illegitimate daughter might be a step in the right direction...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know all of that, and I will be writing stuff from the manga into the story as it continues.

There's going to be the same amout of action here as there is in the manga, maybe a little more comedy here and there as Rhia's attempts to get a G Unit for Alkanphel later on backfires. And for Rhia to be Alkanphel's kid was part of my original idea, and I kinda scared my friends with that idea because she had a tomboy personallity at first.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She should share his "lonely child" syndrome and be detatched from her surroundings and the people around her.

This story seems like it has potential, however I'd need to read more to give you a proper critique and analysis. Keep me updated on the story ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It would help establish that she is related to archy, without being blatant and obvious with it. Unless you want to make it blatant and obvious which IMO is a horrible idea.

Is there going to be Rhia related combat? Perhaps you should consider her obtaining a new guyver armor and having a real ethical dilema wwith it.

I'll explain:

She grows to like Archy, she feels like she can relate to him since he's the first person she's ever met that's like her. She understands his dying situation and doesn't want a good thing to die, so she goes on her own to find a G-unit and accidentally activates on herself. Now with the guyver armor she sees and finds out the cruelty behind Chronos. Now she has a real conflict because she adores the only person she's ever met that she can relate to, however this same man condones and is the leader of a soulless organization that kills people and destroys lives. You can have it that she finds out what Chronos did to Fumio Fukamachi all in an attempt to claim Sho's guyver. She becomes scared for her own life that Archy will do anything and everything to obtain what he needs to survive. She fears that the man she idolizes will kill her for his own desires.

See this creates a powerful and very interesting dilema that you can abuse to create a new change in Rhia's character. This change in her mentality will create a wonderful contrast that brings out so much reality and humanity in this character...boy that sounded fancy! :mrgreen:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very nicely stated BK. RC, I'll give your summary a look over in the morning. As for now I have to go to work but I'll read it once I come home.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Looks like Kenji found herself a new friend.

Well RC, I looked over it and as far as a prologue preview goes, it wasn't too bad. You were able to convey the atmosphere, mood and setting pretty well though not a whole lot of detail was given of how she fully looked. Features of the clothes, body and such are an always must for readers who love detail.

Your grammar was also really good and the structure was done nicely. But I do agree with BK, seems like a drama....but hey, BK, aren't we doing a Drama/Action mixture with Quantum Guyver Rebirth in a sense in a few chapters?

You best bet is to completely think out your main character's backstory, the setting of the story, where you fully want to take and how you'll get there. If your character has and/or gets any power-ups/upgrades later on in the story then think of how they relate to the story itself and what the purpose of that upgrade is meant for.

Plus, in any good fanfic, character development is a must but try to match it with the flow of the story plot and flow so that it fully balances itself out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

BK: That was my original thoughts on it, just she didn't get a Unit herself. Instead all her attempts to get one for Alky backfires badly.

TW: I see what you mean. I thought I made the prolouge too short...

Kenji: We are idea buddies! That is so cool!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Think of your prologue more as a type of preview. A way to get people thinking that "Hey, this seems kinda interesting. I should probably check this out." Prologue previews are what you basically already have written. Of course, everybody is different in chapter length style when writing a fanfic.

BK and I happen to be the kind of writers that make incredibly long chapters. but that's because the story itself will take a long while to complete thus we try to flesh everything out to keep the reader interested while telling the tale, thus making it somewhat easier for them to visualize what they're reading.

I've read plenty of good stories where each chapter is just between 600-1,000 tops and they're written well enough to make you want to read more.

If you want more advice in writing a good Guyver fanfic, I suggest reading the one that Ryuki wrote a long time back. It's a short 1 chapter story but it's done in a way that you'll love it.

Also look up fanfics on Guyver that have been written by Kenji. Maybe head on over to fanfiction.net and look for stories done by an old GBoard member named Jade Tatsu. Hers are really great. Check out the ones done by the Warrior Guyver team as well. Brian and Matt did a really great job with that series.

Edited by Toku Warrior

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Can you post the story somwhere that's not DevArt? The ads annoy me, and the super-compressed formatting feels like it's going to give me eyestrain if I look at it too long. You can post the chapters to the topic here, or you can sign up for an account on a fanfiction site like I've done.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok, here we go. I did it earlier but removed it so as not to infringe on your property that is your fanfic. But since you gave me the ok, I re-posted it. Just click the document link select open and the doc will open up in a new web page separate from this one.

Alternative-1.htm

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Chapter 2:

Rhia would never have imagined a more fancier place than the one she stood in right now. The only source of light was the giant hologram of Earth rotating over a giant circular table with display hologram projectors built into the reflective surface of the table. To be more precise about it, it was a giant holographic projector unto itself.

“Lord Alkanphel,” a man said. “Is this the heiress you spoke of?”

She saw the man who was speaking to Alkanphel sitting in one of the twelve giant, stone thrones around the projector. He had dark brown, wavy long hair, pointed ears and dark eyes, and Rhia had to guess that he was half a head taller than Alkanphel. A small portion of his Zoacrystal was visible in the center of his forehead.

“Yes,” Alkanphel replied, “this Rhiannon. Rhia, this is Sin Amniculus, one of the Twelve Zoalords.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Miss Rhiannon,” Amniculus said. She sensed that he didn’t care about her casual attire, and he was curious to know more about her.

“Pleasure to meet you too, Lord Amniculus,” she replied politely. She bowed from the waist up, a custom that she was always expected to follow around the aristocrats. Then she saw Amniculus get up and return the gesture. She was correct about his height, and she also noticed that he was a well built man. ‘He’s a really cool guy,’ she thought and sensed that Alkanphel was amused.

“Well, what do you think of the base?” Amniculus asked Rhia.

“I’m impressed,” she said. “Are all of Cronos’ bases like this one?”

“They’re not as big as this one, but they are just as impressive.”

Alkanphel could tell she wasn’t at all interested in the other bases around the world. She was more interested in the Zoalord in front of her. She was trying to understand why she was chosen to be the heir of the Supreme Commander of Cronos. She didn’t know what was so special about herself, and she didn’t know that she would not find it in any of the other Zoalords. ‘All in due time, Rhia,’ he thought. ‘All in due time.

Amniculus knew that girl, Rhia, was different before Alkanphel introduced her as his heiress. He knew she wasn’t all human, but there’s no way she could be part Zoalord. Why did he still think about that even hours after Alkanphel left with the girl?

I have to trust him,’ he decided. ‘If I cannot trust him, then I cannot trust anyone.

“You said there were twelve Zoalords,” Rhia said as she and Alkanphel walked through the Ararat mountain range in Turkey while dawn had yet to break. Her new violet clothes felt like a second layer of skin, her three pieces of armor on her forearms and abdomen reflected the little light there was in the mountain range, and her dark violet cape rippled in the air as she continued to follow her commander. “Will I meet the rest of them soon?”

“Yes, you will meet them very soon,” he replied. “In fact, you’ll be meeting them today.”

“Out of pure curiosity: why did you introduce me to Lord Amniculus first? Would it not have been wiser for me to meet them all at once?”

“He’s one of the most loyal Zoalords, and he’s probably the only one to treat you so kindly. Some of the other Zoalords are against there being a female heir.”

She didn’t comment. She understood why they were against it.

They came to a peak that overlooked the mountains when he said, “They’re here.”

One by one, the Council of Twelve appeared behind Rhia and Alkanphel. There were eleven at the moment, due to one betraying them. All of them were from different regions of the world. All ten Zoalords bowed to Alkanphel.

“The operation was an overwhelming success, Lord Alkanphel,” Amniculus said and Alkanphel turned to face the ten Zoalords.

“From this day forth, the planet Earth will bow to the will of Cronos,” Alkanphel said.

It appears that I came into play just as they took over the world,’ Rhia summarized. ‘So now the question becomes: What part do I have in all of this?

---

Toku Warrior, how did you post that chapter? I can't get onto a fanfic site without getting viruses.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's easy. Just write your chapter in Microsoft word and when saving the document, save it as a web page. Then when making your post here just at the web page document as an attachment.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...