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Mirabilis

Mirabilis's life

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yeah, I'd love to go to such a concert.

I am sure I will have the chance to go to concerts soon.

uhm.. forget I said that.

my point was, if you want to do something, you can find a way.

 

Also, remember that god works all things for good. Even if Satan is having influence in your life, God is there keeping an eye on him and keeping you safe. God stays close to those who need him. The ones who are having a good time, praising him every day, they don't need to be saved. The further you get from Gods grace, the more he pursues you and the more he gives his grace. He speaks to you through Christ and you can probably hear him speaking in your heart if you listen right.

 

It's good that you have been brought back to where you are. It is something you need right now. what for, I do not know, but it is a blessing that things are happening in your life. I've been at a standstill for such a long time. I will welcome some change. (though I may curse it at times)

 

That's a cool band. I am addicted to JAM project. I like a few other bands but I haven't heard of that one. sounds good :)

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Yeah I agree with everything you said =] as you know I am pretty close to God and know exactly what you are talking about as far as hearing Christ speak in our hearts. There's something I am suppose to do up here though I may not know now only in time will it be revealed. And yeah this is TWO-MIX they're older but so awesome lol =] I love Japanese bands there is just something so...magical about them? I dunno they just have heart in them, almost like a fantasy something American bands don't have at all. Maybe I am wierd for saying such a thing but honestly I it's what draws me in and why I like them lol =]

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yeah, I can understand that.

a lot of American bands and perhaps british bands as well, they have a negative outlook. they prefer to wallow in self pity rather than look for a positive course of action or point of view. There are some exceptions such as the black eyed peas, but I find most are negative, like marilyn manson or limp biskit.

But I find that even when Japanese bands are a bit aggressive or maybe a bit sad, there is always that attitude of 'ganbatte' or 'faito'.  basically a hopeful attitude and a determination to win.

 

I also love some of their experimental music. I love a few tracks from the hellsing anime.  world without logic is a favourite.

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Yeah I agree with what you said. =]

Well me and my girl have been talking everyday since she did that and have stuck together and worked things out as I knew what she was doing at the time but she was unable to see what it was she was doing herself, but things are still kind of strange. As soon as she put single on her FB profile her ex whom she has no feelings for immiadately decided to come back and she has told him numerous times she won't take him back but he keeps on trying. She and I had some conversations on her wall and got somewhat flirtatious and I found that he has blocked me (even though we have never spoken). So I don't really know how to feel about that? I can't see any of his posts or anything on her wall or pictures and it kind of bothers me, but it's also beyond my control to do anything...

I've also started painting my tyranids again and doing other things as well. Been trying to stay productive and active in things I just hope that we can work things out because in the end all that truly matters is how we feel for each other and I know that we honestly do love each other and I don't want to lose something that is so wonderful for the both of us.

Edited by Mirabilis

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Things are becoming interesting and both strange lol. Trying to get back into my writing and back into things I am passionate about. Been looking into getting a LVN degree first then getting a job and saving up for my filming degree for later. Trying to get back into my music, looking for more good Japanese bands as well. I have been out of anime for some months now and need to get back into that too. Things are strange as I said before but I guess I am just sort of mellow as of now, and wanting to get back into my old hobbies lol. =]

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 Yeah I feel you on that. It's funny how things can all just fall apart on you. I was still working on my projects: Distant Wings among other writings/comic material. Unfornately my laptop and back up flash drive were stolen among with many other items out of my apartment. So this is/was very difficult to deal with years worth of writings stolen and gone. Fortunately for me I have most of the details memorized and stored in my head such as story archs and main plot lines. For Distant Wing's I have it all down from the first chapter to the last in my head just a lot of other writings were on that laptop that meant a lot and years worth of work were put into that I'll never get back. Oh well, life goes on all I can do is see what tomorrow brings. :D

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 Been working a lot with new scripts and writing projects. Been going to school as well to get my degree in Theatre Arts as well as Filming and Production so things are finally moving forward for me.  :D

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 Hey guys, well the last two years have been rather crazy for me. Life is going by so fast it's crazy to think that I was only 17 when I first joined this site! 

Well, I've been certified this year for filming and using cable studios so that's awesome! Now I'm just working on my own various projects and such. Hopefully things will continue to move forward for me.

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congrats on your certification!

 

so does this mean you can be a cameraman for ABC news?

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 Possibly yes, and thank you! I just need to work on my resume before I move on to big things like that but I have complete access to in studio equipment, software programming, and borrowing/taking equipment outside for my own shoots.  :neko:

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So something happened a few weeks ago, something that's been bothering me and I don't know how to deal with it, or what it even means. I think it's time I mentioned it and see what some people think. 

 

One of my friends got a promotion at his work and he wanted to go out to celebrate and go clubbing. There wasn't anything around his town so we went to a gay bar at my town. It's well known in the U.S. and it's pretty fun there. It has an upstairs dance floor for straight people and dancing, and a gay bar down in the main room. Where guys strip and trans dance on stage. It was pretty fun that night. Met many people, got along with them. The usual stuff. Never had a problem with things like that before; but here's where something happened. 

 

I befriended this gay guy there, and we became pretty good friends. And like many of my other gay friends in the past he really wanted to get together with me. I politely declined but we ended up dancing anyways. We danced for a long while and the whole time I enjoyed it and the emotions that I was feeling. But at the same time I'm not a gay person. It's been tearing me apart inside for weeks. I haven't felt that way in a very, very long time. I don't know if it's the loneliness or what. But I know that I really felt special and cared about that night. We danced and got a little intimate, but we never kissed or anything like that. I just don't know how to feel about it. I tried to imagine myself with him or see if I was gay, and I know that I'm not. The idea of kissing him really turned me off, so I'm really confused about this and don't know what I should do or need to do.

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It could just be that you had a great time. You care for.him as a person. It's not a bad thing. If you know how you are sexually there really isn't anything to be confused about. Lonliness doesn't make one any sexyal way It's who you are. Just let him know you care and are his friend. Spend time with him. None of it is bad or wrong. I can understand what you mean but at the same time you kind of answered it all on your own. :)

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Thing is, I'm a sensitive emotional type.  I've done stuff before in my past. "Experimented" and stuff. I really liked the feelings and vibes i was sensing from him. But I

'm not gay. I feel bad because I feel like I lead him on or that I might use him to get those feelings without committing or something. I don't know. Maybe I should see if we can become more than friends? Maybe I'm just afraid to admit to myself that I might be bi or something? Like I mentioned before I've done stuff in my past with the same sex but that was over a decade ago. I really have no idea what I should do about this.

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Well whatever it is it's good. If you're bi, who cares. I guess all I can say is be as happy as you can. Don't lead him on though. Soulsearch and think what is best for you. And him. If you care truly you will take the time to sift through it all.

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Well whatever it is it's good. If you're bi, who cares. I guess all I can say is be as happy as you can. Don't lead him on though. Soul search and think what is best for you. And him. If you care truly you will take the time to sift through it all.

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It amazes me how girls can so easily rip your heart out. I mean I just had a bullshit experience. Met this great girl and we were hitting it of great. I actually fell really hard for her. I haven't been in a relationship for three/four years. Many of you I'm sure remember my last one. Anyways, this girl was having a bad day. So I tried cheering her up and all. And things were going well and good. Then she flipped out on me. And started saying "nice try" and telling me I was an asshole and so on. I kept trying to ask her why she thought I was an asshole and explain why I wasn't, and that I honestly did care about her. Then she started telling me that it wouldn't work out because she's a Christian. Some of you know I have Christian views too, came from a religious zealous family, but I am also accepting of other people. She refused to believe me and just kept calling me an asshole. Then when I showed her my numerous Bibles, and Christian-like artifacts she still just kept calling me an asshole and didn't believe me. Then she started telling others that all she meets are asshole guys. WTF! What did I do? I don't understand this. I try to help her, make her feel better, calm her down, prop her up, tell her I care about her and that she's worth more than she realizes. Than she does this? I don't understand it. I don't know why romance is such a hard thing with me. 

Edited by Mirabilis

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Ahhh... the constant question of the day! This is in my opinion a very basic situation. Remember that we as men and women think on completely different levels. What may seem like you trying to assist and care for her may only be pushing her away. I too deal with this a lot in my current relationship. I sometimes wonder why things that she thinks are so important mean less than nothing to me. I am the type of person who just wants to be as drama free as I can. I try not to sweat the small stuff. But she makes big deals out of what I percieve to be small things. This is it. The bedrock of all that is a relationship. Hell, it propbably isn't a man v woman issue... it is a personal issue. We all act like our partners will understand us. Get where we are coming from because we choose to spend time together... but closeness equates to space sometimes. It is a human element. I won't drone on and on about this but know I get what you mean. I get what she may mean. ... all in all it is a crazy cycle that will and does happen to any and every one. Don't think it is exclusive to you. We are all horrible in relationships to some degree or another. You just have to manage your feelings and not base actions on emotional knee jerking.

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Sounds like she is Bipolar: happy one moment and then all banana balls the next.  There's something going on in her head if she flips out when you try to be nice to her.  Anywho, if she flipped out just because you were being nice now, be glad you found out so soon before things got serious.  She might have done worse things had you two gotten more intimate and married.

 

Just hang in there, Mirabilis.  You'll find the one for you. 

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Thanks guys. It was a hell of a night with extreme anxiety and panic attacks. An emotional rollercoaster the likes of which I haven't had since my last relationship. But like you said. I guess it's better that it happened now before it got too serious. My last one destroyed me. Better to get this one out of the way. Just hate it when people refuse to even listen, and no matter what you say they block/ignore/refuse to even hear you. Tell everyone you're a horrible person. And don't even get the chance to explain yourself. But I'll move past it. We all do. 

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I hope you find what you're looking for. A friend of mine once told.me after I had my heart ripped out to enjoy the time alone... It's a vacation from nonsense. While I am glad to have someone in my life it was a true statement. Just chin up and know it will all work out for the best. Even for the pain.

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Yeah, it just sort of sucks. She's been kind of talking to me but then ignores me for like 13 hours. Then sends another message and does it again. She doesn't talk to me like she used to anymore. And she gets pissed off when I don't respond back to her. But she doesn't talk to me when I do respond back to her. So what the smegg am I supposed to do? She's pissed if I don't try, but she doesn't respond when I do try. I dunno. It's retarded.


On another note. A girl I crushed super hard on, a year ago, is having relationship probs with her bf (who is a close friend of mine) he just swooped in and got her before I made a move. I feel bad because she sees me as a friend now. I doubt she would be willing to give me a shot. Which is fine I respect her boundaries if she just wants to be friends. But she's hurting really bad and I can't stand it. It pains me to see her hurting so much. I genuinely do care about this girl. She went to my brothers wedding with me but again I didn't make any moves because she went with me, right around the time she started dating the other guy. She went with me as a friend. But I had made plans to express my feelings on that trip, only when I found out she was no long available I kept my mouth shut out of respect for her. So I don't know what to do lol. I like her a lot. She's going through very similar problems I had faced with my previous ex. She allegedly is a really good and loyal gf. But my guy friend she's dating has extreme trust and anxiety issues. Panic attacks a lot and so on. More so than I do. So I don't know. Should I not even pursue this? Should I wait and maybe a week or two try to see what to do? I don't want to be a dick and say things like "breakup with him and give me a try". Even though that's what I would wish for, she's not in the right mind set or emotional spot for that. She's in pain. Plus it's selfish on my part. She needs support. I can give that to her, but if I do that'll only make me a friend even more. So what should I do my fellow Legend friends? Just stay as friends? Or wait and see if I can be something more later down the road?

Edited by Mirabilis

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I would say to finish this "relationship" you are currently in and then focus on the next. It is kind of a dick move to try to squeeze in on your friend though. But if he is causing her pain and you can be there for her, do it. Just don't have any expectations that she will return the favor or be interested in you in a way that hasn't already happened. Also, be mindful of your friends feeling on this. Is she worth you losing a friend possibly over? My suggestions is to not pursue either of them and wait to find something new and exciting that will make you want to pursue them... as opposed to pursuing just for the sake of it. Hope this helps!!

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Yeah, my lady friend had a really horrible time this last few nights and I decided not to pursue her in a romantic way. She's not in a right place for that sort of thing and is emotionally distraught. Not fair to her. So I dunno. I guess I'll take another break from pursuing things again for a while. The other girl has started talking to me again sort of, but I don't know she's playing mind games or something. Can't seem to figure out what she wants or w.e

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