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Jess♥

Yuki's blog

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I am really pleased that the forum seems to be working fine.

everyone seems to be happy and i feel priviliged to provide this place for them along with my companions the admin.

of course, Guyver is being delayed...

I am sad that i have to miss Guyver for yet another month. it goes by so slowly and then we get a chapter! wahay! then hte chapter is read. it's so quick. then we have a lot of thoughts about what it could be...

what's going on?

but we need mor guyver.

I tried to fix my bike today. i rode under the underpass and of course, some hoodlums had broken a glass bottle under there. so i got multiple punctures simply because some smegging idiot wanted to destroy something.

it's my own fault, I should have known better than to ride under there. I suppose i had a reason for doing it. maybe i wanted to avoid something.

well i sat on the yard for the whole evening trying to get it fixed. there were many many holes in hte inner tube. i put lots of patches on and in hte end i think I got it. until i took it in and found that the tyre was half flat. must be a very small slow hole somwhere. i'll have to look at it again tomorrow or some day.

it5 was nice to sit on hte yard though. chloe my cat was flitting about. she'd go over to the odd shrub that was peeking out through hte crazy paving.. start chewing. then she attacked a spider ithink. i think this because i saw her looking like she was sneezing but then she ws chewing then she was puzzled then sneezed again.. then chewing.. then she came over all proud like "look what i did" big cat smile, suggested by teh wavery tail all bushed out. nuzzle nuzzle.

then she invited me over to her favourite spot. it ws a nice place. a bit small for me, but i could crouch at the edge. it was a bit where a branch hung down.

there were leaves all aound. i crouched down and nuzzle nuzzle. then she showed me her favourite spot. she decided to play and show me how great it was. she could reach up and grab ht branches and attack them. grab a branch and pull it down, nuzzle it and roll over. then do it again with another branch. then nuzzle nuzzle. she was having a great time.

I think she was very happy that i was sharing her space for once.

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I noticed your having a hard time finding the small hole of your tire. I'm not sure if your familiar with this method, but this is what we usually do to find very small hole in tires. Inflate the tire full and dip the tire in water. Just make certain that you make the water as calm as possible. If you detect bubbling in the water, that means there's a hole somewhere in the submerged portion of the tire. If no bubbles are found, then slowly turn the tire until you find bubbling in the wet surface of the tire. That's your hole.

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than you for reading and thank you for your suggestion :)

yes we always used to do this when i was younger. on this more recent occasion, the puncture was quite severe so I could find it just using my ears.

however there is obviosly a smaller undetected one. so yes i will have to use that method to fix it.

I have not approached it yet so It is not fixed yet.

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sometimes it is difficult being in my position.

I see all sorts of situations and I have to think carefully about them and decide, will this harm people, will this do the forum good?

I have to be careful not to leave the other staff out of decisions. because i built the site mostly and created most things.. with hte help and support of others, I think, I do want to make sure they get equal role in making things happen.

but sometimes i feel lonely.

sometimes i feel like I am the only one who takes actions. the only one who is ultimately responsible.

I feel like most people are depending on me to make sure this place is ok.

I am glad that for teh most part things seem to go ok, but there are often problems that are ver difficult to deal with.

at times i can fall outr with members, sometimes i feel like I am at war.

It is my responsibility to show strength to show that i can keep my integrity and to not back down at teh sign of danger.

It is my responsibility toshow people how they are permitted to behave. to show people what is not acceptible.

because then, people are feeling safe because there are no secrets, they don't need to worry about wether or not their actions will land them in trouhble.

I want all members to fel comfortable to discuss.

at some times, I feel really happy because some things that members say seem to confirm that i have moulded this environment into that which I desire.

a place where people can really be friends.

I really need to get a job soon. this site is falling apart it seems. every day i get thyis stupid error. I would change servers but i simply don't have the money to do so.

I suggested that some people donate to help out in that respect, but nobody did. I guess that it is not such a big issue that people will donate a bit towards fixing it. well to be honest it doesn't plague me an awful lot so i guess people are content.

although as soon as i get a job, I will be looking for a new host.

also i want to buy some new clothes.

there is a new store in town. debenhams. it is really awesome! the clothes are on manequinns. and they are posed and they look really cool.

and i can buy some nice food. I can buy takeaway more often. it's been ages since i ate a chinese.

i can pass my driving test. then look at buying a car. then i can travel to local places of natural beauty. I'd like to go see waterrfalls, mountains, cliffs, valeys..

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*Pats Ryuki on the back* There there. you're not alone. Hey, we're all here to help. All you need is to just ask.

With the donation thing, I think it would be more prominent if there was a link to a donation thread. To be frank, i didn't even know that you needed some sort of donation. Perhaps you can offer incentives to those who donate, like small tokens which you can send them.

Don't worry about feeling that the site is falling apart. another way of looking at those server downtime happening is because of an increase in traffic of the site. Haven't you notice how much activity is happening in the various sub forum of the site and how much members are now discussing various issues?

And yes, it is difficult to be the one in charge. You have to consider how you approach people as you are very prominent during discussions, thus generating public opinion about you. If it's any comfort, I say your doing one heck of a fine job. Being in charge does not necessarily mean you're the one who should do everything. Being in charge mostly means having the ability of make use of whatever resources you have to make sure something happens. I mean, you have a few admins around, you can go slap them in the butt a few times and tell them to do this and do that.

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Hey Ryuki, I was wondering, is it hard to get a BA? Its 4yrs of school right? Because I want to know if I should switch from getting my BFA (Bachelors of Fine Arts) to a BA. A lot of people tell me getting a BFA is a lot harder and might not corelate with what I want to do for a career. I want to be an artist who uses video as his medium.

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bananaking, it is not hard to get a BA. in fact you can get one without putting in much effort.

the way they mark you is they judge how hard you are working, thuis you can get some real drenn work that has no talent and is clunky as hell and they will get a first class degree because it's the best they could do, yet you can get some work that is absolutely amazing but it will not get a good mark because the person was gifted and they didn't really try as hard as they could have.

that's why a degree is not very important, the portfolio is far more important.

I wouldn't recommend fine arts anyway because fine arts is not practical I think fine arts is more geared towards hobbyist or true 'artists'

but anyway... when did i mention my degree in my blog?

I didn't realise i had said anything about it here.

thanks for the words durendal, it's good to be understood.

and thanks for that bit of homoerotica. now who has mental pictures of me spanking the other admin.... :lol:

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You started a topic about it in the 'General Whatever' section. I don't think it's as near to the top of the page as it used to be, but it's there. Most of the 'old gaurd' gave you their congratulations, even. :cool:

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Guest DekaRed
now who has mental pictures of me spanking the other admin.... :lol:

don't even go there, lol, thats like incest, lmao.

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Guest DekaRed

not bein funny kenji, but the day my YOUNGER brother spanks me, is a very cold day in hell, lmao.

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Well, never count out you younger siblings. I don't have any biological siblings but I do have step-brothers and step-sisters that I consider almost real family.....well 3 of the 4 of them actually. The oldest of my younger step-brothers, who's only 19, can definently kick my ass if I do'nt watch my step and keep my guard up when we horse around.

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I am a black belt anyway.

not actually in anything, i just have a black belt. it holds my trousers up.

he he, I stole that off paul o'grady.

well i do jeet kune do.

I got pretty good so far.

although I need to wait until i get more money before i continue my classes.

recently, it is difficult because i need to remember to keep money to pay the gym or i can't use the gym at all.

I'd rather continue to keep fit so that i can still do JKD when i get more mkoney. I increase my felxibility.

I can do unassisted dips, quite pleased with that.

I am close to doing unassisted chins.

I tend to assist with about 20 kilo's.

that should be gone next time though.

I think i'd like to take up some form of gymnastics or some dance.

I want to increase my coordination and balance. I also want to increase my power and focus.

the problem with gymnastics is there is no real equipment for it in hte gym.

teh only free hanging equipment i can think of is teh chin and dip apparatus.

the rest is treadmills, weight machines, cycles, and free weights. there is a dance studio, with hte punch bags, but nothing really to help with any kind of gymnastics.

perhaps i could do some floor gymastics?

I don't wanna do any of that poncey stuff, just things like somersaults and handstands and anything like that.

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Well, when you exercise your upper body, make sure not to forget your legs. Else you might end up looking like a chicken. Big fat musclebound upper body, extremely thin legs.

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Using the face is mostly the standard, yet unfavorable method to stop a punching fist. It would be much more insulting to the puncher if you didn't flinch, touch your face, then say "did something just bit me?"

Ryuki, you could try doing the basics at home. Mastering the basic is the foundation of a great skills. Since you mentioned the gym doesn't have any real equipment, why do you even bother going there? Look at cargo lifters or construction workers, I don't think they have any time for gym, yet look at how fit they are. The only difference in them is that their muscles are not set for aesthetics, but for efficiency. The toning of their muscles are quite different from those who go to the gym.

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the gym has lots of useful equipment. not least th showers. our house has a disgusting bathroom so I use teh showers in hte gym instead.

also there is teh treadmill which is a way to really work your cardiovascular without having to worry about weather and you can watch tv at the same time.

the weight machines are also useful if i find i want to work a particular muscle group.

it's just the gymnastics type of equipment that they are missing.

I used to work out at home, but it is so limiting.

also, there is teh tendency to forget things when i am at home. going to hte gyme is a regular thing and while i am there, I am focused on hte correct task.

bananaking, if you want a simple way to protect yourself, if you think you are in danger of geting hit, run your hand above your ear like you are stroking your hair, then curl your hand around the back of your head. your arm should be in an optimum position to protect your face and head.

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i spoke at length with my long time friend today.

she finally admitted that the sexual tension will not go away and that we either need to a) do it or b) not be friends anymore.

she's got issues though.. she has this thing that makes her guilty about the thought of sex. she admits that it's something she wants but she is afraid to feel guilty.

so she either needs to get over that fear or we go our separate ways. i guess it depends on which is most prominent in her mind. we are very close and have been for a long time so it's not too simple.

I'm very happy with the situation. although waiting is a bit of a pain, but i am really glad because it means the situation is ending. clarity is such a wonderful thing.

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Wow, I'm not sure if I should congratulate you or feel sorry for you. This is really one big decision that would affect your future. Well, has she considered the ramifications of chosing either of the two? For one thing, not being friends anymore is definitely not a good thing. As a wise saying goes, being rich is defined by how many good friends you have.

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Wow Ryuki I had no idea. Well, to be honest with you, that is why I have dedicated my life to not dating anymore people. Atleast for a while. The last three relationships I had ended in a disaster. Four years ago I was dating this girl, and she wanted to have sex. I was completely dedicated to our relationship, and I dont believe in pre-maritial sex. So i told her no. Fast forward, I end up finding out that she is pregnaunt, and that she has been cheating on me the whole time. I left her then and didnt date for a whole year and a half. I couldnt believe she did that to me...after all we been through and everything I did for her...

The next relationship, I left the girl the night we started to date. We were at a movie and she was trying to stick her hands down my pants. I couldnt belive it! I knew that some girls, liked to have sexual relationships but good gosh! I didnt want to have that. So i left her that night. And again I didnt date anyone for a year and a half. FINALLY I thought I found a decent girl who was interested in me, she wanted to go to my HomeComing dance, and I told her I'd call her when homecoming comes around. She said ok.

So the week before HomeComing I called her, no answer so I left a message.

Next day, called her no answer, left a message.

Next day, called her no answer left a message...

Next day called her twice no answer left a message.

Next day called her no answer left a message.

(Did not call her over the weekend)

Next day called her...no answer left a message.

Next day called her twice, no answer left a message.

Next day called her three times! You guessed it! no answer no message left.

I gave up and guess what, she didnt call me back. Not at all. You can imagine that I was mad. But not that she wanted to go to my HC and then blew me off...no, I was pissed because I called her for two weeks and she never called me back or answered her phone to tell me she didnt want to go anymore! I wouldnt care if she didnt want to go, but she should have told me!

So I quit. I gave up on relationships, I gave up on loving people romanticlly, and I forced myself to shield myself from such emotion. I am completely alone and hollow inside. I dont want to love people that way, not no more. ITs terrible, its a nightmare, and its not worth having your heart torn from you, ripped wide open, shredded to pieces and then stuffed back down your throat. No, I am the lone path walker, and though I have the urge to date again, I do my best to push thoses feeling aside. I've gone through almost eighteen years of my life without the help of someone in a relationship, and I can do it again.

I would say dont submit to something that you dont believe in, as I didnt do. Fight for what you believe in, if you dont want sex, than dont let her force you into it. And if that means you cant be friends, then she was never a good friend in the first place, no matter what yall two went through. If thats how she really feels then,SHE LIED TO YOU. She's using you, as my fake friends used me...during my hororable relationships. They never helped me. Stand up Ryuki, head strong. Dont let her force you around, and if she is so bent on having sex and is always thinking about it, then she needs help. Most likely someone offended on her, and she never told anyone. And the only way she knows how to make people happy and to get attention is through the use of sex. Now that doesnt mean that, that happened. But it is still a very strong possiblilty.

Dont go through what I did, Ryuki. You deserve a good relationship, with someone to always depend on and count on. Someone you can tell things that you can never say on this board. Someone that you can share your stars with and to the great beyond after. I cant say the same for me. My heart is acheing right now, just by typeing this and remembering it. I'm sorry, for this Ryuki. You deserve much better. I wish you didnt have to go through it. I've given up on love, Because LOVE HURTS!

But you DESERVE IT Ryuki...you deserve it.

Edited by Mirabilis

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mirabilis, thank you for your thoughts. :)

i must say you seem to0 have misunderstood my own position, but it is no big worry, I mean, it is always interesting to see another persons perspective.

I have a lot of respect for you holding onto your purity for marriage.

I personally do not want that. I have a more liberal standpoint although that doesn't make me the kind of guy who would sleep with lots of women. it mean when i find somebody that i like and feel really comfortable with, i would certainly like to get more personal.

the sexual tension is between both of us. if it were just her, then i wouldn't even pay any attention to it. I certainly wouldn't be happy if she was spoiling the friendship. no, we have a mutual understanding. relationships are about balance.

me and her have been trying to find a balance for a long time. I have always known there is more than she is willing to admit. if she did not give off any pheromones, I would not be interested in her in that way. we both have chemistry and that is why I say she has finally admitted the situation.

it's a good thing. because even if we do decide not to be friends, it is not a bad way, it is both of us acknowledging that it is the best thing for both of us. to move on. we will still care about each other and likely keep in contact by email. I am very happy that both of us can be so honest. even if we don't see each othr any more, we will still be friends in our heart.

our relationship is not likely to last very long no matter what. I plan to go to other countries, she has plans to go other places that i am not interested in going. we both know that we are not intending on making any commitments.

It's not like it's impossible, you never know the future, but the situation does not sugest that we would be any kind of permanent arrangement.

mirabilis, I would not recommend closing off your emotions. I have done that. when you get to a stage where you just feel empty all the time, and you start to yearn to feel happiness, you learn your emotions again and they can really knowck you about. it's really tough to adjust and learn how to cope.

the last thing you need is to get emotional problems. however you feel about being mistreated, talk some more about it. dwell with your feelings and work through them. don't lock yourself away. each relationship, each experience is a learning process. you have learned a lot from past experiences and that makes you more powerful and more able to choose more suitable people.

but locking away your emotions and building a wall around you heart.. I strongly recommend agaist it, it's not worth the long term damage to your soul.

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